The Herd

I live among the lost, but I am not lost
I live among people who hate, but I do not hate
I live among the desperate but I have found my peace
I walk among the blind using my third eye.

I've unlocked my flesh and given power to my soul
My body is but a vessel and I have stopped listening to its cries.
I walk away from herded sheep and get the head nod of acceptance by the wolf to pass.
For I am no longer one of 'them'.

My Soul is alive now and it feeds on life as my flesh feeds on food.
They wear their burdens as trophies seeking pity as would a lying addict
I stretch my hand to save and help and show, but ignored like a beggar on the street.
My tears I will not shed.

An awakened soul must seem selfish because it is a light seen only by the seeker.
It's glory must be earned and thus cannot be given as a gift
Giving to the unappreciated is vampirical to our spirit
So we must ignore to lost who want to stay lost.

Life has more to offer than the desires of the flesh
Because even when the flesh is full you still feel something missing.
It's the acknowledgment of a soul unborn, with more to offer
A completeness of spirit and happiness, the real circle.

Searching for what you feel is missing is not in the desires of the flesh
Neither is it in the attaining of things
But in the elevation of soul healing and awakening
Divorce your flesh and fall in love with your soul.

Her Name Was...

If jet black hair was the sign of sorcery, she would be the Witch Queen
When stares turn others into stone, her glance rips your world apart
A singular gesture of her smile emotes a thousand whispers in my head lasting weeks.
Leaning in for the kiss was no different than moving in for the kill.

But what good is mystery if you see the reveal
The moving horizon envies her 
Even though she walked into my world, she crash landed in my heart.
Poisoned my lungs sneaking in like a mist
Then disappearing like a fast sunrise

The wind along my neck reminds of her jet black hair as she slept.
Echos of those whispers play around like butterflies in my ears
while I stare my world in a debacle
Yet all I want is a kiss.

Mystery woman, mystery love, mystery torment.
Licking my wounds waiting for the next coming
A love I may never have
Yet I have it so great.

273

I deleted 273 pictures that I had of your face off of my computer today.
A face I thought I would die staring at.
A face that I thought was only possible in dream.
A face that could have only been created just for me.

I played that album over an over, everyday, each shot fading into the other.
Each moment replaying your smile as if it were the first.
Each time playing different encounters of us.
A hug, a kiss, a stare, watching your face and your breath while you slept on my chest.

I stock piled your pictures as a squirrel would his acorn preparing for the winter.
I had to have them.
I made fun telling you to send me more pics but they were my acorn.
Each pic was showing me a new day that could be born through your eyes.

The darkness I was in, didn't need a moon or a sun or a starry sky.
It needed you.
The giving over to you rivaled Niagara's passion and I didn't know how to tell you.
If it was a crush, infatuation or love, I only knew I had to have your face.

I'd see you that day, leave and go home only to start the slideshow.
Pictures where you smiled, where you didn't, where you looked serious, where you looked sad, with hair over your eyes.
Over and over again for the first time.

I trapped your essence in those 273 pictures.
But I was the one that was trapped.
My darkness seemed to be on the outside when I watched your face.
And it seemed as if Love was going to give me another chance to get it right.

Heart's Crisis

So angry that you can't feel anything
So in love that you feel everything.

Loving when you don't want to.
Hating because you need to.

Existing when you cannot be.
Living because this is what you are.

Those days when you're numb watching the world speed by.
Those moments that breathe life into you but end too soon.

Forgetting to dream places you in a prison of memory.
But dreaming with out memory of who you are is just as dangerous.

Some say hell is enduring repeated peril.
Hell is being in love alone.

Passion ignited is the definition of life itself.
Passion lost is the definition of torment.

We need and we need life to live love and heal.
But in the end, we need.

The Path

Take, tear, sweat, bleed.
We all want things but not many are prepared to go after it.

Turn away, walk away, forsake.
We all want a new morning but fear keeps us gripping the night, 
finding shelter in its known darkness and greater fear of the bright unknown.

Alone, singular, prime.
This goal can nothing else but your own
As every step must be earned or forfeit by your own will.

Dream, Fly, Soar
Break the shackles of your old self, look up and step with educated choice.

Transform, become, be.
Live the new you now and not see it as a dream across the field hazed in a morning never to come.

Forget,
The ways of old, the ways of rust, the ways of stagnation.

The end,
Never approaches for this journey possesses not the finality of the one you lead now.

Ghost

Your dead already.
Your ghost sits beside me everyday on the train.

Your dead already. 
You float 2 steps ahead of me when I walk. I know its you because I remember your red wavy hair sitting on your shoulders over your jacket.

Your dead already.
Your voice got trapped in my head when it was crossing over.

Your dead already.
You stare at me every time I close my eyes.

Your dead already.
Your spirit carries your scent to me every time I inhale.

It could only be your ghost. I don't know where u live, I don't know what your doing in this world, but in my world you've come to chain your face, your body, your voice, your smell, to my soul.

It's no torture unless I try to touch you and realize my hand goes through your cheek.
It's no torture until I turn to wake up and see her face instead of yours.
It's no torture until I remember when I made u cry.
It's no torture until I realize the love I have for you will be only mine have.

But your ghost sitting beside me on the train keeps me alive.
Your scent when I inhale helps me opiate in the realty I now have to exist in.
Knowing that I will see you staring at me when I close my eyes, calms me down around the demons waiting for me to break.
So this love I have for you will stay in me for u...my prison, yet my freedom but my secret, between your ghost and my soul.

Save Me

Save me

Your taller.

Save me

Your eyes are deeper.

Save me

Your body curves more.

Save me

Your lips are fuller.

Save me

Your hair is darker.

Save me

Your voice is sexier.

I rush to find anyone who has anything that seems slightly better than you because I cannot rip you out of my body.
I rush to fall in love again because I've never felt this exposed without you.
I can't come after you, so I plunge myself in a dessert of flesh to outweigh a love I can't touch.
No matter how I feast, it is not their flesh that satisfies me so I feast even more because I don't know how I'm going to replace what I lost with you.  A passion this deep was never meant to be found twice.  I'm left to settle or imitate.  They look like you, they feel like you, but they are not you.  I want them to save me but they are not you.  I have given them a task I knew they would not meet, I have asked them to give hearts that I did not want. Then the despair they feel when they realize their sacrifice was in vain doesn't bother me because their love lost is not my love lost.  But I keep searching, I keep trying to replace, to substitute, to compare, to hide what I know will never happen again.  It's a constant, slow dissolve on my skin, one cell at a time, I run but I can't run to you, I search but I know I can't look for you.  Your face is on my eyelids, the scent of your hair lines my nose, your skin is burnt into mine, you're in me, you are me, I am you.  My head is a room decorated with photos of your face and us, the sheets we slept in are on the floor, the couch we watched movies on is in the middle of this room, the door of the first place we lived together in is over there on the right, the small kitchen where we made dinner not caring how small the stove was, is here.  The air in here smells like your shampoo after you showered.  All I can see is how you would move while you slept beside me and how you would open your eyes to make sure I was the first person you would see each morning.  The can't save me....they can't save me.

Hot Tongue Kiss

I remember when I asked to kiss her, it felt like I was meant to ask, even though it took me 20 minutes to do it.  I guess she wanted me to just do it and maybe asking was like killing the surprise of it all.  After our giggle she still said yes and that was like a "lights-camera-action" announcement being shouted.  The giggle went from our faces and folded into that waiting for a kiss look.  The heat built up in my head, my face, as I inched in and my heart was already ready to burst. 
The anxiety must have heated us both up because as our lips parted just slightly, the heat turned our lips into such a soft texture that we just melted right into a deep kiss.  Tongues hot from the the inside out, both aching with desire and passionately moving literally slowed time.  We locked together that day, emotionally from fusing and melting together.  The heat still on my mind even to this day even though we've had many more since then and even though we are now just a story to each other's friends, if anything at all.  But I walk down that road every now and then in my head and I let my mind take that "what if" pill.  I go back to the edge and I envision her standing in front of me just staring at me with that silent smile. I feel my brain and tongue get hot again and my breathing changes a little while she stands there.  
I'm not sure how far things would have gotten because even in real life weren't really meant to be so this image of her at the edge smiling at me seems to be just perfect.  Maybe that's all she was supposed to be to me, a face to look at to remember how good things can be and that real love is out there to be found.  Until then I will take these mind trips to go see her standing there, smiling, waiting for me bundled up in the early evening cold air, wavy black hair over her eyes...and remember my hot tongue kiss.

laye jaye

I Stuck The Sun With A Pin

I was young, 

I was dumb

But your eyes were like a forest in early Spring

I was stupid 

I was stubborn

But your voice made me float like the perfume on your clothes

I was blind

I was selfish

But dropping everything to see you was like a great prison escape

I was fast

I was deaf

But I knew I was going to make you everything I ever wanted

Even when my world crashed

My pain was not of destruction, but from losing you

Even when the ashes covered my feet

All I wanted to do was kiss you.

Even in Summer's blaze, my heart was in arctic winter

Not from the loss...but from waiting in my own suspended animation...

for you.

As I lost friends and family turned away

All I thought was "I will have room for you when you come around".

I never got it...I never will

because as long as your alive, there is a chance

that you will love me...one day.

Hurricane Heart

Tortured souls eventually get rest
Tormented minds eventually find peace
Tears dry away
And screams soon turn to laughter.

Hurricane hearts, however, never really get rest
Loving so deep, its disastrous
Loving so hard, its mark is permanent
Loving so wild, it's fire can't be quenched.

The end of its whaling passion 
Leaves one shore then finds another
The only rest being the time between, carrying memories
Before crashing again, still looking, still hoping 

Hurricane hearts love too deep to be made real,
They may not be made for this world
Or is this world might be too young for them
That mystery only adds to the momentum

The entire time in a swell
Uncovered love, incomplete love and torn love
While still looking for more love
Burning to find the love it wants

With a  debacle in its wake
Speeding to nowhere 
and somewhere
at the same time

Fueled by desire and memory
Loss and hope, faith and anger
This Hurricane heart of mine, feels its all
When I look back, at you.


LyeJaye

Homeless

He doesn't look like me, 

But I hope he looks at you the way I did.

His hands aren't like mine,

But I hope he touches you softly.

I don't get to hear your voice anymore,

So I hope he takes the time to listen to you.

I ain't him and he's not trying to be like me,

But I hope his love at least matches mine.

Whatever I couldn't say, I hope he says.

Whatever I never did, I hope he does.

All the things I saw you as in my mind,

I hope he makes you feel it for real to him.

I let pride steal my voice,

So I hope his words give you back life.

I built a wall and shut you out,

So I hope he builds a palace with your throne beside his.

This sidewalk in the rain being bounced by passers-by

Watching you inside smiling at him around that small coffee shop table.

I've never felt the real effect of the mistake I made until now.

The pride I held on to, only left me these rain drops of tears.

Homeless.

A Knight's Oath

I want her face to light up when she hears my car pull up.

Run downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning when I open the door.

Her day was long but she hugs me with all her might.

And kisses me like this is all she waited the entire day to do.

The Sun is going down but the day only ends when she smiles at me and takes my coat.


A broken heart can be repaired.

Love can be found...again.

The burnt dessert of her heart now blooms one rose...finally.

I was not her first, maybe I won't be her last,

But I made her smile again, hug tighter and kiss deeper.

And I will make it my duty to honor and protect her.

What they stole, they can keep, for I will give her better.

Not because it's a goal

But because love is that simple.

Sub Dreams

Throw yourself down at my feet like a captured slave
Watch me look at you like you mean nothing to me.
Grow weaker as my stare gets stronger.
Fear is welcome here...in you.

Let me push you hard up against the wall.
Let me grab your face and inspect it.
Let me take a fist of your hair and pull back.
Quiver...it hurts...like it.

Let me pin your head against the wall while I feel you...all over.
My hand finds openings in your clothes and squeeze.
Do whatever you want with your hands but don't touch me.
You're not allowed.

Choked against the wall, feel my hand slide down and inside.
Be confused between air and pleasure.
Be confused between wanting more or begging to stop.
Be confused between living or climaxing.

As one hand kills, the other makes you feel alive.
Mangled in ripped clothes pinned against the wall,
Your beast has your life, literally, in both hands.
One squeezing and the other....

I let you breathe just when the time is right
You don't explode...you ascend.
I let you fall to the ground in an exhausted pile 
Look up at me and watch, as I walk out the room and leave.

Cupid Watching

If you were there, you would see them glow from looking at each other.
If you were there, you would feel time slow down as he walked towards her.
If you were there, you would feel your own knees melt at the way they kissed.
If you were there, you would want to be held, the way he held her.

The heat from the feverish breath between their lips rivaled flowing lava.
His one hand might as well have been handcuffs, the way he held both her hands over her head.
His other hand held her face drunk with passion, frowning, lips open, begging to be kissed again.
I saw their bodies locked like two speeding comets that new this was supposed to happen.

She pulled his hips in as he pulled her hair back, twisting her head, dark curls entangled in his fist.
Roving bodies, insatiable consumption, eyes locked with gasps that only a goddess could make.
Only good pain today, as his hand increases pressure on her neck, her struggle turns him on even more.
Her heart was bruised in the past, but today he replaces those bruises with bites to her side.

I stood in the corner holding my bow, my arrows slung on my back.
I stood, watching them consume each other knowing it won't be enough,
Because I poisoned the tip of the arrow with the best poison of all.
....Forever.

Untitled

Seems that nowadays relationships are based on trophies…

How good one would look in someone’s arm, the compliments one receives for the hard work in obtaining the grand prize and it can even go as far as changing oneself, the true you (thoughts, appearance, etc.) for the mere satisfaction of the other.

My question then becomes… Where does one's happiness stand?

I questions this because I've had the opportunity of trying out for all of the above mentioned (open call—audition).  However, I still wasn't enough.  Search continued-- the grass looked greener on the other side… Yet, not once did the other stop to think in reality and true consequences, such as:

Physical beauty fades away with age, but inner beauty lasts a lifetime.

Money can buy many things, yet true love could never hold a price tag.

When erections and wetness are no longer an option, genuine friendship last forever.

To countless I was worthless, and even though hurt, I can honestly say those wounds are healed.  Scars remain to remind me every day of how strong I am…

I am nobody to many… but those many don’t matter… So are they nobodies too?

By Lye-Jay

1-3-2013

Riding Off Into The Sunset

I had my blade folded many times in the hottest fire.
It was sharpened and tested to be the best.
My armor was hardened,
And my noble steed was bred for this journey only.

But why did you cry,
When I plunged my sword into the dragon
Laying the final blow to end this battle.
Then you locked the door to your room in the tower.

Was I not valiant enough?
Brave enough?
I prepared my entire life for this one moment
Yet you hide in your tower still.

I slayed a Dragon ten times my size
The dragon that held you captive, for years.
Tore my flesh and bleed right now where I stand,
For you.

Holding my sword, standing beside my horse licking his wounds
I call out your name, no answer.
I call out your name again and the wooden window to your room slowly closes.
All of this was for nothing.

I won but I lost
I go home alive, but torn in two
The only thing we did that we set off to do
Was ride of into the sunset.

Jester And The Queen

Look at my smile
But don't see my anger.
Feel my body
But don't feel the pain.
Taste my lips
But don't taste the tears.
Run your hands over my curves
But don't touch my dead heart.
Steal kisses when I'm not looking
But you'll never know how my soul was taken from me.
Show up, impress, do your mating dance, tell me sweet nothings
But your calls echo in this hollow cave.
Turn a new leaf in this withered book
But don't try to read the burnt pages.

You stare at me and you smile
I didn't know death had a pretty face.
You found a home
In my dessert...in my hell.
You show me your needle and thread
To stitch my heart that's been torn to shreds....good luck.
It's not about what's been taken
It's what I've become.
Hollow...barren
 A dried up well, 
A cave not even bats would want.

Strap your love to a hundred missiles
Aim it at my wall.
Even when you break through
You'll find there was nothing here, at all.
But stay hopeful my dear
Your valor I find entertaining.
A new jester to evoke a smile
So I can remember what it feels like to be human.
That I will credit you for
And that I will give purpose.
Pay you with my smiles as there is nothing else to trade.
As you romp about in this empty warehouse.

Incomplete Together

Let's be incomplete together.

You're an alcoholic, I'm a drug addict

So I can lecture you and you can lecture me.

Let's be incomplete together.

The house is always a mess

I cook with whats clean

And you sleep till 3 in the afternoon

Let's be incomplete together.

The laundry is piled and running over

The mailbox is full and the bills are late

Smoke stains the ceiling

Let's be incomplete together

A night never passes without you kissing me goodnight

The morning finds up wrapped up in each others arms

I have never felt this safe

Let's be incomplete together.

You saved me from the hell I was in

My family hates you and your mom said you were a mistake

You lost your job and I get a few hours at the diner

Let's be incomplete together.

We have nothing and we lost our paths

Drugs and alcohol became our vices

But the nights are never cold

Let's be incomplete together.

The world has no place for us

And we live off the scraps of luck to get by

But I have never been loved like this before

Let's be incomplete together.

The Queen

I claim your heart 

I claim this land as our paradise

I claim these people as our loyal subjects

I claim a thousand years of love.

We shall feast this day

We shall all eat and drink and be merry

For her love and beauty shall be my sunshine

In her will I enjoy a new life of happiness

Where she stands, she commands my attention

Where she walks, even the wind stops and takes a bow

Her essence has seeped into my soul  

What compelling beauty that needs such reverence

A king in my own right

Handing over my own kingdom

Handing over my own crown.

Now if I could find the words to say hello.

JOURNEY

This is the path I must walk if I want to see change.
These are the decisions I must make if I want to see change.
No one can do it but me.
It is my responsibility.

I've been a slave to my old ways long enough.
I've been pleasing my mind and not respecting my body.
My body is my temple and I must clean it up.
The way is hard...BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE

It's ok to ask myself for more.
I no longer want my comfort zone as it has been my prison.
Fear has held me back, fear has held me down like a demon clutching me to its breast.
I need to break free, I must to break free, I will break free.

I will not listen anymore when my body says it's tired.
I will not listen anymore when my tongue desires what it will.
I will not stop at 10 when I know can do 14.
Sweat shall be my reward and I will love it.

I will wake up earlier and tell the sun it's late.
I will focus, I will dream and then build that bridge from dream to reality with every drop of my sweat.
I will feed my body what it needs and not what it wants.
I will be strong and show that strength with action and not desire.

I will no longer allow my mind to create excuses.
I will not longer credit those excuses because I am no longer weak.
I will be different from what my detractors expect.
I will no longer say no to myself.

This dream is mine.
The body I want will be mine because I deserve it.
I will work for it, earn it, own it and enjoy it.
Watch me own a smile that you cannot take away,
BECAUSE I WILL SUCCEED.

Waking Up

Years ago, I ran.

Years ago, I was proud.

Years ago, I was afraid.

Years ago, was my time.

Yesterday, I was still asleep.

Yesterday, I was still silent.

Yesterday, I was still hidden.

Yesterday, I was still afraid.

Today, the silence has drained me.

Today, I have no more sleep to find.

Today, the sun has found my cave.

Today, my fears have started to melt away.

Tomorrow, I will give up all I held on to.

Tomorrow, I will do without, for the one thing I want...need.

Tomorrow, I will pay the price of getting back that from which I ran,

For it will not be given freely anymore.

Tomorrow, I will go after the one person I've truly love.

Tomorrow, I will drop my sword and shield...and fight.

I'm waking up.

Well

I fell down this well
Landed on my back, now my body is broken.
Laying still in my pain, the moss and roots welcome me.
It's so dark, I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed.
You've climbed down to rescue me but I can't smile.

Don't pull my hand, 
My wrist is broken by people I've trusted before.
Don't sooth me with your words,
My ears are bleeding from all the lies I've heard before and I can't hear you.
Don't help me stand up,
My legs are shattered from running after loves that weren't mine in the end.
Don't hold my face to stare in my eyes,
They've been scorched by beautiful devils and burned shut.
Don't ask me for my heart,
It turned into a bag of tar and gravel after all the betrayals.
Don't wipe the tears from my seared face.
They're all I have left.
Don't try to hold me, 
The waves of memory and anger hurt more than my snapped spine.

This well is quiet,
You came down to save me, 
But you've no more power than the moss and roots growing over me.
This well is dark, 
Dark enough to blot out what they did to me.
This well is cold,
Cold enough to freeze me in time and hide me from anymore hurt.

Climb out, cover the well and walk away.

10-1-2012

He Came Over

Pull my dress up a little while we dance,
Do it like you never meant to.
Pull my body in closer,
Act like you never heard me.
The music's too loud,
Bring your lips closer to my ear,
And brush your cheek against mine.


If he only knew my body was already his.
That my knees were waiting to be caught,
From the very second he raised his head from his drink at the bar
Me, the gazelle, I broke my own leg for you, my hungry lion. 
Come for me.


Looking up at his face, washes mine with fear.
Not fear of what he will do,
But fear that we won't ask me home.
This dress, these heels, I prepared for you, my king.
See how I watch you right back and giggle seductively at all you say.
Feel how my body moves at every turn your hands moves me in.


My lips burn under this lipstick.
I need yours to put out my fire.
Wash me in your ecstasy, keep me dancing.
Yes its okay to slide your hands down over my curves.
I don't care who sees, 
Go ahead and squeeze.


Yes my number needs to be yours,
But I let you chase me and ask me.
Your desire for me, fuels mine for you.
I am captured, I am yours, finish me off.


Drag me to your lair 
As a Panther would its kill up a tree.
Let your waiting hunger that I saw at the bar take over.
Let your hands rip this tight dress and free my passion.
Sink your teeth in and shred me from this world.


Make me forget and fill me with you, all of you.
More than a sub, more than a slave, you own me tonight.
Let your greed splash my passion over your lips. 
Be my vampire devouring his centuries old desire.
Feel my body give over to you, again and again,
Like waves upon waves of an army of tsunamis attacking in battle formation.


Own me with your hands, your lips your face, your body.
Own me with your hunger then own me with your satisfaction.
The hungry lion is filled, the black panther, no longer restless.
The vampire, gone to sleep, the seas, calm again.
Tonight was yours my king, pull me in and let me sleep on your throne with you.


Happy hearts wake to a sunrise, greeting satisfied souls.
My yearning soul finds peace, for now.
His raw passion, quelled, for now.
Safe, fulfilled, happy.
I'm glad, he came over.

HURRICANE Pt 2

The wind blew, I felt the rain hit my face sideways

As it stung my cheeks, I felt it's force.

 I raised my head to see the rain falling was actually blood.

My blood.

The wind howled as it blew my love passed me

I could feel its hollowness drag on me while it passed.

Like a black sail from a ghost ship now slave to the wind

Trying to drag me, catching me in its belly.

As my knees get pulled into the mud of my sorrow

A rumble takes presence and my heart flies by me.

Seemed more like it was running so fast it learned to fly.

It disappeared in the red and it got quiet again, just the rain.

Now looking at the muddy wet red earth

listening to my blood raining down like a forest storm.

No love in me anymore, it was dragged away

No heart anymore, it flew away.

Nothing left but this carcass of skin, bones, clothes and memories.

A rumble starts, not from above or behind me.

Not from my left or my right.

This time, the earth.

My soul trapped in this body now to be taken.

The immense pull downwards almost felt like an emptying.

The relief  of this life to end, felt like a glorious sunrise over the nights torment.

My tensed body kneeling, now relaxed as I sink.

No Soul, no heart, no love

My body swallowed whole into this red muddy earth

Empty and complete

My hurricane is over.

HURRICANE

The girl in the window, face hanging down.

The girl in the window, sitting still.

Her red hair covering the pain in her eyes

Even though her body is posed and telling its own tale.

Her silence, silences me.

But I can see the glass vibrating and swelling from her quiet screams.

Fixated as she is on her trance of despair

I start to feel her crawl in my head through my eyes, ripping my eyelids apart.

My minds eye pauses as I now see the glass swell to its limit, 

pushing against its edges, her motionless body now grabbing at my breath.

She whips her hair around and exposes her porcelain face

And that was all it took to cause the explosion.

Shards of glass all blew towards me,

On the winds of her screams, drenched in the rain of her tears,

That only I could see, that I could only hear, that only I could feel,

Tearing through my body as the winds carried them.

She still sat there as I was ripped to pieces. 

Now drenched and bleeding on my knees, still staring at her.

But no one would know, no one would see, no one would hear.
She was my hurricane.

Drool On My Chest

We laid together under the covers
But I was on the wrong side of your skin


The air conditioner was on
But your sleeping breath was all I wanted to hear.


A little light tried to peak in through the curtains
But your face was all I wanted to see.


The love we just made 
Only matched by the ocean's swell in all its glory


Now the silence we crashed into
Was a trance meant for two.


Your hair, tangled and dark, splashed across your face
Seemed alive, moving up and down as I breathed 


The rest your body, still and draped...over mine
A visual masterpiece, for my mind's gallery and afternoon reminiscing.


The peace we found proven by your deep sleep
Rivals all my investments
As I lay here and watch you, drool on my chest.

Ricochet

Your face wasn't meant for my eyes
You looked at me anyway


Your smile wasn't meant for my soul,
you captured it anyway.


The power in your eyes wasn't meant for my heart,
you stole it anyway.


Your steps into my world wasn't on my life's map
but you walked into my life anyway.


Meeting you was never something I would imagine,
it happened anyway.


This new gift of life feels too big to be mine,
but you gave it to me anyway.


You, the robin hood of love and me rich in pride,
you gave your satchel to me anyway.


I know I may not deserve all you are or all you do
but I'm gonna love you back, hard, everyday...anyway.

The Getaway

Running from the house in the cover of darkness with the jewels tightly clenched, that smile is mine
Opening that safe and watching the prize reflect in your eyes and no one's around, that smile is mine.
Staying two steps ahead of my captors and watching them dance to my tune, that smile is mine.
Finding out that plot against me before my enemies put it in action to register my demise, that smile is mine.


Coming up to your room and watching your body lay there unaware of my hands' plans, that smile is mine.
Knowing that you stand inches away behind that door while I hear the lock tell me hello, that smile is mine.
Hearing my name echo from your soul and not just your lips as we make love, yes, that smile is mine.
Watching you sleep in my arms and hearing your breath laced with happiness, that smile is mine.


When my days and world seem to choke my innocence and your company renews me, that smile is mine.
My one member fan club, cheerleader, sitting alone in the the bleachers shouting my name, that smile is mine.
Being handed your "you", like the secret of life that everyone needs to know but doesn't, that smile is mine.
Walking taller than everyone, floating on your never ending support and adoration, that smile is mine.


With my sword and shield, my armor and valor, standing guard, day and night, this love, is yours.

6-2-2012

The Single Woman

You got your heart broken, a few times...Ok a few times too many.  You lost a few friends over some stupid shit...Ok some really stupid shit.  Maybe stabbed in the back once or twice...Ok a number of times by everyone but the damn Leprochan.  
So now, one or two kids later (or none), you've grown into yourself, strong, independent, decisive.  But there's something missing now.  That innocence, that you can never regrow.  That innocence that every single guy that likes you will have to pay for every time they look in your direction. The stone castle that you stand on so proudly with a "vacancy" sign for a "king" is just decoration.  That's just a cover to seem normal.  Normal so that no one knows how bitter, torn and selfish you've become.  Hunting for the next prince charming to exact your forever revenge for the first guy that you had actually given your heart to and lost.  Then you act all broken hearted and get your girlfriends to come over and vigil for you with shots before you hit the club and start the shit all over again (tears my ass).  
So you have all your material possessions and standards higher than the Empire State Building and longer than the China Wall (second chance...bullshit). Then you hide behind this "I am woman, hear me roar, Beyonce" dance thinking that you are in solidarity with the likes of Nanny of the Maroons or Rosa Parks(spare me). It's not hard being a woman, just hard knowing that you have to open your heart again if you ever truely want to be happy.  So hide behind your makeup, convertible and red bottom heels.  Brainwash yourself into thinking every man is stupid and will never be good enough because you need them to be dumb so they cannot hurt you (bitch please).
My dear single woman, proud, strong, independent....Fuck You!

Murder Weapon

Coagulated blood on the floor, pooled but a little scattered on the ends.  If you lean in close you can see a few bits of flesh, light reds and dark pinks, all glazed over.  My heart in pieces as I look down to the torn hole in my chest, sitting on the chair just as you left. The gore of the rip, so fast, so brutal, wondering while I still breathed. A glimmer caught my eye a bit ahead of the blood, smeared and still wet, the knife you used.  Leaning back in the chair, the pain actually starts, but it's no physical pain, even though it came from my chest. But that's because there is no blood on the ground, nor was my heart actually ripped out by a knife.  The knife was you leaving, the pieces of flesh were my heart breaking and the blood was my love spilling on the floor.  The pain was memories and dreams pulling away from the walls on my mind, my life and leaving an emptiness I haven't felt in years.  
Even though I've felt this before, it still felt new and different.  The past started immediately as the door shut behind you and the future started.  It was empty, cold and dark. Right there in the chair, even as your footsteps echoed down the hall it was as if they carried "us"with them.  The walls faded to one solid white. The clock, the pictures, furniture, all slowly evaporated.  My eyes were still open, but I just saw nothing. All I could feel was the chair I sat in, almost as if it was the holding me up emotionally as well.  Then it all went quiet, no more pain, no more memories floating away, no more footsteps, just a vacuumed silence.  It could only mean, the journey of solitude now begins.