Dawn's Gift

I used to believe my life was going to be dark forever
Like a kid staring out the back window of his parents car as they drove through the cold night country roads.
No stars, no street lights.  Not even night eyes of the nocturnal wanted to be in my presence.
Black was my night, black was my day, black was my all
I grew used to the cold, I grew used to the air.
Until my dreams stopped, until my hope froze, until my inspiration died.
A frozen river of black tar was my home.

These streaks, these lines, these moving invaders
Welcoming themselves on my plain of darkness.
I quieted my mind and my heart as they had grown angry 
They  wanted to shout "why...why now....why me, you have forsaken me...keep your glory!"
But just as my hope froze , it unfroze as if it were only frozen for a second and not a millennium. 
My dreams turned from that river of frozen black tar to river of hope flowing to meet this Sunrise.
Those streaks and lines now playing with the curves of my river rushing...a dance as it were.

The light coming in was as stunning as my dark leaving was numbing.
All I can do now is stand in now as I stood before, but...
No longer frozen, no longer hidden
Recognized, placed and called
This time is mine now and I will own it as much as I owned the dark
I will let it go, I will let it come, whatever it may, I am ready.

AML

Fierce Is She

Dashed against the sand, left for dead
Stripped of her smile, stripped of her soul.
Sentenced to be pummelled by a fire of her demons.
All she could do was hide behind the rocks.
Her frail pale skin hugging the jagged black rock.

Like constant crashing waves,
This fire storm seemed never ending
Slowly heating the rocks
And they never stopped
She even believed this was all her life would ever be.

But while her tears fell and her tyrants blazed
Something started to happen.
The heated rock and her frail skin started to bond.
But more, the rock started to become her.

She opened her eyes and she thought the fires stopped but it wasn't
She stood up and thought there were gone but they werent
She was standing in their fire
And she no longer felt its burn.

A new blood flowed through her
Her frail skin now infused with the rock that she hid behind
Her eyes now filled with passion
And all the fire turned her hair red

She stands on a rock now
She is a rock
Her tyrants and demons no longer have power over her.
They saw and they fled.

A new her has been born now
With dreams and goals that she will hunt
Nothing will stop her like an arrow that has been loosed.
From years of being pulled back and held down,
She is new, she is ready, she is strong.

..."And though she be but little, she is fierce."

Red Air

Don't you see the way she wears her hair everyday around you
She wants you to run your hand in it and grab a fist full.

You hear her heels clicking slowly down the hallway?
She wants your to hear her and follow her 
To that empty conference room being remodelled.

All her dresses stop at the same length just peeking the side of her thigh
Begging for your hands to push her down on the table 
And slide your hands up.

She smiles and lowers her head every time she sees you.
Not from being shy.
But because she calls you master in her soul.

The red ribbon around her neck
Is more acceptable in the office than the black leather choker
engraved with your name that she keeps at home.

The red ribbon, the red heels, is not her sign of confidence
It is the power she wants to give you
Take her Soul, take her breath, take her hair, take her neck
Pull it, Squeeze it.

When you walk buy her desk, you have no idea how she stares.
She breathes you and you will never know
I swear she collects these snap shots of you 
Then goes home and releases to you.

The air we breathe is not the air she breathes 
You're her red, you're her master
You're everywhere for her
You're her red air.

AF 6/6/2015

War Lord

This is not a war of bombs

This is not a war of guns

Not of guns and not of sticks

This is war of stares and kissing

You called out my passion,

So come out and fight...

fight.

Fight for what you've earned

Stare deeper into my soul

You must, I need you to.

Hold my head and kiss me deeper

match my fire.

Warmonger.

All this time, well kept, hidden, defended.

You walked right passed the blockades

You walked right in as if you built the hidden trail 

You sat at my table behind my secret vale

And my spirit served you wine right in front of me without my permission

So fight.

You can't get my love that easy

So fight me and show me that your passion is worth every ounce of mine

Stare farther, kiss deeper

Let me feel your fire.

My stunned heart that you exist.

My exhale, that you stand looking at me, looking for me.

My finally, that you want me even if my want doesn't match yours

Ransom my tears of happiness for my loyalty

My spoils are yours.

Show no mercy

Pull me closer, kiss me till I can't breathe

Fight for this love that I need to give you

This love I thought would never be given ever again.

So fight.

This is not a war of bombs

This is not a war of guns, knives or of sticks

This is a war of giving love

For I did not know my love would be given

So fight me with your passion and free me of my suprise.

AF 6/4/2015

FREEDOM

I'm from a different country so I have to work twice as hard just to fit in
I'm black so I have to keep my hair cut properly at all a times
I'm big so when I have my hoodie on I have to accept when I small white lady crosses the street instead of saying hello as we pass each other on the sidewalk.
I drive a nice car so I can't put tints on because that's the final piece of probable cause.

When people are extra nice to me I can't get caught up in thinking if it was out of fear 
or surprise that I was actually a cool dude.
I do get to smile when your girlfriend looks at me like I'm what's been missing in her bedroom though.
Being stared at like a piece of meat has it's limits though.
When I'm in the cashier line behind a biker with "those kinds" of tatts, he puffs his chest up a little higher. "Remember to breathe bro".

Do you play basketball or football?  Oh you're Jamaican, do you smoke weed?
They'd be surprised to  know I have Aerosmith, Guns N Roses, Melissa Etheridge, Counting Crows and  Hootie and the Blowfish on repeat in my playlist along with Lil Wayne and Rick Ross and
My friday nights were spent listening to Shadow Stevens on American Top 40.

Freedom isnt free
Especially for "me".
So I smile and say hello, I say nice tatts man
I laugh and say no I've never smoked weed.
And I've put my size to use to help the weak.
I'm ok with those stares from your girlfriend though.

TOXIC

The only way to get her to leave is to make her see a demon
She will never accept responsibility for anything
She has to, she needs to... play the victim
She lives the life the sloth and pity, enabled more by her weak friends

I played into her hands, but I myself was less of who I am now
She was running from another demon, so I played hero 
As I was running from my own demons and this felt good
So we saved each other.

I awoke from my sleep and saw the remnants of my debacle
I weighed and measured myself and I was found wanting
She played along on this journey to be better
But in truth it was all a play, to start getting me to pity her
To never ask her to be better but yet applaud her dreams

That cycle has run its course, after years I realised that was all she had planned for me
Someone to hide behind while she spun a web of greatness only to opiate.
with no intent to make anything real except for the thought that she might.
I was carefully crafted to ensure her safety and happiness but to never ask anything of her.

Of course in showing that my eyes were open, 
She's perfectly prepared to enthrall me with guilt from my own mistakes
And because she's never actually done anything but weave dances of intent
I was left with nothing to battle with.

Whatever love there was in our finding each other
has now been boiled down to a thick glob of frustration, pity and resentment
Poisoned by my own weakness blindness and her need for my brokenness
Our jagged edges glued together but now its time to rip apart, but
The only way to get her to leave is to make her see a demon.

I Finally Went A Day Without Thinking About You

I finally went a day without thinking about you.
A breath was a breath and it didn't hurt to breathe
A smile from a stranger didn't remind me of yours
And the Sun was just light and not torture of another day without you.

I finally went a day without thinking about you.
I ate and I was only hungry, for food.
I walked to my car and I didn't hear your heels clicking beside me.
I saw a happy couple and I was actually happy for them.

Yesterday my right arm didn't need hugging.
I ran my own hand over my head and didn't need to imagine yours doing it.
I brushed my teeth without gazing.
And it didn't bother me that I only washed up one dinner plate.

I walked a little taller yesterday, propped up by hope it seems.
But I didn't realise until today when I was doing all these things again.
Yesterday I finally went a day without thinking about you
Today I wonder what else will I notice, as I come back...to me.

When Beasts Cry

I borrowed your time because I didn't want mine.
I made you smile at me since I forgot what that looked like 
I spent your company to fill in the blanks of my loneliness
I made you think about me because my head is hollow.

I stole your heart because mine is hardened
I took your kiss because it allows me to remember when I was good
Your gaze at me is that ray of sunlight coming through my prison window
Making you fall for me is all I know how to do.

Some collect expensive works of art
Others collect heads for trophies
I collect love
And I hang them off my belt

Walk into my fire, my kiss is deep, your breath will be taken, your body will quiver
You will forget who you are, you will forsake others and run to me, to be ...swept up.
But each time, I actually wanted to, each time was an effort to break my chain
But each time ended as I just don't know what to do next.
So I start over, looking for the 'it' that I made you find.

I found it once and it was torn away from me with such a wretched despise it taught me it must be so precious and so limitless, it must be fought for
And it must be sought after with no compromises and there will be that one difference
To let me know that I've found it...again

It must exist beyond her smile, beyond her kiss, beyond her fire
So I search and search....I has to exist...beyond her
I need to find it...again.
So I turn over hearts like rocks...searching.

But my hunter's art has become my craft and meaning has been lost
Now it's all I know to do
Am I meant to find it or or has my search lost sight?
What am I looking for, it or you?

My hunt continues, my craft has become me.
Strong enough to walk away.
Nose like a wolf to sense the next.
Cunning as a fox to make them fall before I do.
Cruel as a vulture when their love was not good enough.
Fast like a cheetah to get back on the trail.
The beast I've become is only to endure, to protect me.

My body never gets cold because I burn to feel like that again.
That's the warmth you wrap yourself in.
You breath is taken away because my claws squeeze your heart looking for what comes out.
Your body quivers because I've turned you upside down, inside out.
Searching every part of you, vigorously, assiduously...as if on a rampage.
To see if you could be 'it', to see if you could love me...the way she did.

I leave you scattered like a room vandalized
Your heart unable to bleed again
Your love...taken
Now on my belt with the rest, as I run.

All I hear now, my hands and feet pounding the night forest floor 
and my breath fueling my fever, my anger, my hurt.
Anger that you were not her, hurt that I had to give of me.
Only to be disappointed, again.

YOU DID THIS TO ME!
THIS MONSTER..IS YOUR PET!
WATCH ME SLASH MY WAY BACK TO YOU!

Scratches

As we put our ties on,

All we want to do is tear our skin off.

We use the mirror to put on a face everyone will love,

While we hide the true animal...beast...demon.

Sitting in traffic going to a place to take orders,

While our minds pound to run naked and free and fast, screaming.

Spending every ounce of energy to keep our hearts beating slow and quiet,

Because hearing it beat heavy in our ears reminds us that we've denied being alive.

We call 'them' animals yet we want their freedom, their limit...less...ness.

We impose and conform; cuffs, belts, ties, lipstick, ponytails, etiquette; elbows off the table, cross your legs...making every attempt to drown the banshee screams bubbling, swelling to come out.

We deny the essence, the energy, the true center of the very thing given to us that makes us unstoppable and we cover it up. 

But...it scratches, gnaws, snarling and biting like a wolf scratching at a trap-door to run free outside in the sun.  To run, to sweat, breathe, feel its heart pounding in its chest, hear it in its ears, love, hate, bite, fuck.

Fix your collar.

Sewn Oats

Your beauty has inspired dreams

Your beauty has made men walk away from their own dreams

Your beauty has also killed dreams

Your beauty has left men wondering in a black abyss

I've thrown away my life for you

I've walked away from my dream for the dream you are. 

Letting your beauty in was the loosening of the pillars under my world

Chasing after your beauty was my plunge into that abyss I now call home

Torment could never be more creative than to see a face I will never touch again

To remember a touch, a kiss a smell that will never repeat 

I open my eyes and see black

I close them, I see you.

This devil...this hell...your face...my heart.

Given, taken, ruined, cursed.

The Herd

I live among the lost, but I am not lost
I live among people who hate, but I do not hate
I live among the desperate but I have found my peace
I walk among the blind using my third eye.

I've unlocked my flesh and given power to my soul
My body is but a vessel and I have stopped listening to its cries.
I walk away from herded sheep and get the head nod of acceptance by the wolf to pass.
For I am no longer one of 'them'.

My Soul is alive now and it feeds on life as my flesh feeds on food.
They wear their burdens as trophies seeking pity as would a lying addict
I stretch my hand to save and help and show, but ignored like a beggar on the street.
My tears I will not shed.

An awakened soul must seem selfish because it is a light seen only by the seeker.
It's glory must be earned and thus cannot be given as a gift
Giving to the unappreciated is vampirical to our spirit
So we must ignore to lost who want to stay lost.

Life has more to offer than the desires of the flesh
Because even when the flesh is full you still feel something missing.
It's the acknowledgment of a soul unborn, with more to offer
A completeness of spirit and happiness, the real circle.

Searching for what you feel is missing is not in the desires of the flesh
Neither is it in the attaining of things
But in the elevation of soul healing and awakening
Divorce your flesh and fall in love with your soul.

Her Name Was...

If jet black hair was the sign of sorcery, she would be the Witch Queen
When stares turn others into stone, her glance rips your world apart
A singular gesture of her smile emotes a thousand whispers in my head lasting weeks.
Leaning in for the kiss was no different than moving in for the kill.

But what good is mystery if you see the reveal
The moving horizon envies her 
Even though she walked into my world, she crash landed in my heart.
Poisoned my lungs sneaking in like a mist
Then disappearing like a fast sunrise

The wind along my neck reminds of her jet black hair as she slept.
Echos of those whispers play around like butterflies in my ears
while I stare my world in a debacle
Yet all I want is a kiss.

Mystery woman, mystery love, mystery torment.
Licking my wounds waiting for the next coming
A love I may never have
Yet I have it so great.

273

I deleted 273 pictures that I had of your face off of my computer today.
A face I thought I would die staring at.
A face that I thought was only possible in dream.
A face that could have only been created just for me.

I played that album over an over, everyday, each shot fading into the other.
Each moment replaying your smile as if it were the first.
Each time playing different encounters of us.
A hug, a kiss, a stare, watching your face and your breath while you slept on my chest.

I stock piled your pictures as a squirrel would his acorn preparing for the winter.
I had to have them.
I made fun telling you to send me more pics but they were my acorn.
Each pic was showing me a new day that could be born through your eyes.

The darkness I was in, didn't need a moon or a sun or a starry sky.
It needed you.
The giving over to you rivaled Niagara's passion and I didn't know how to tell you.
If it was a crush, infatuation or love, I only knew I had to have your face.

I'd see you that day, leave and go home only to start the slideshow.
Pictures where you smiled, where you didn't, where you looked serious, where you looked sad, with hair over your eyes.
Over and over again for the first time.

I trapped your essence in those 273 pictures.
But I was the one that was trapped.
My darkness seemed to be on the outside when I watched your face.
And it seemed as if Love was going to give me another chance to get it right.

Heart's Crisis

So angry that you can't feel anything
So in love that you feel everything.

Loving when you don't want to.
Hating because you need to.

Existing when you cannot be.
Living because this is what you are.

Those days when you're numb watching the world speed by.
Those moments that breathe life into you but end too soon.

Forgetting to dream places you in a prison of memory.
But dreaming with out memory of who you are is just as dangerous.

Some say hell is enduring repeated peril.
Hell is being in love alone.

Passion ignited is the definition of life itself.
Passion lost is the definition of torment.

We need and we need life to live love and heal.
But in the end, we need.

The Path

Take, tear, sweat, bleed.
We all want things but not many are prepared to go after it.

Turn away, walk away, forsake.
We all want a new morning but fear keeps us gripping the night, 
finding shelter in its known darkness and greater fear of the bright unknown.

Alone, singular, prime.
This goal can nothing else but your own
As every step must be earned or forfeit by your own will.

Dream, Fly, Soar
Break the shackles of your old self, look up and step with educated choice.

Transform, become, be.
Live the new you now and not see it as a dream across the field hazed in a morning never to come.

Forget,
The ways of old, the ways of rust, the ways of stagnation.

The end,
Never approaches for this journey possesses not the finality of the one you lead now.

Ghost

Your dead already.
Your ghost sits beside me everyday on the train.

Your dead already. 
You float 2 steps ahead of me when I walk. I know its you because I remember your red wavy hair sitting on your shoulders over your jacket.

Your dead already.
Your voice got trapped in my head when it was crossing over.

Your dead already.
You stare at me every time I close my eyes.

Your dead already.
Your spirit carries your scent to me every time I inhale.

It could only be your ghost. I don't know where u live, I don't know what your doing in this world, but in my world you've come to chain your face, your body, your voice, your smell, to my soul.

It's no torture unless I try to touch you and realize my hand goes through your cheek.
It's no torture until I turn to wake up and see her face instead of yours.
It's no torture until I remember when I made u cry.
It's no torture until I realize the love I have for you will be only mine have.

But your ghost sitting beside me on the train keeps me alive.
Your scent when I inhale helps me opiate in the realty I now have to exist in.
Knowing that I will see you staring at me when I close my eyes, calms me down around the demons waiting for me to break.
So this love I have for you will stay in me for u...my prison, yet my freedom but my secret, between your ghost and my soul.

Save Me

Save me

Your taller.

Save me

Your eyes are deeper.

Save me

Your body curves more.

Save me

Your lips are fuller.

Save me

Your hair is darker.

Save me

Your voice is sexier.

I rush to find anyone who has anything that seems slightly better than you because I cannot rip you out of my body.
I rush to fall in love again because I've never felt this exposed without you.
I can't come after you, so I plunge myself in a dessert of flesh to outweigh a love I can't touch.
No matter how I feast, it is not their flesh that satisfies me so I feast even more because I don't know how I'm going to replace what I lost with you.  A passion this deep was never meant to be found twice.  I'm left to settle or imitate.  They look like you, they feel like you, but they are not you.  I want them to save me but they are not you.  I have given them a task I knew they would not meet, I have asked them to give hearts that I did not want. Then the despair they feel when they realize their sacrifice was in vain doesn't bother me because their love lost is not my love lost.  But I keep searching, I keep trying to replace, to substitute, to compare, to hide what I know will never happen again.  It's a constant, slow dissolve on my skin, one cell at a time, I run but I can't run to you, I search but I know I can't look for you.  Your face is on my eyelids, the scent of your hair lines my nose, your skin is burnt into mine, you're in me, you are me, I am you.  My head is a room decorated with photos of your face and us, the sheets we slept in are on the floor, the couch we watched movies on is in the middle of this room, the door of the first place we lived together in is over there on the right, the small kitchen where we made dinner not caring how small the stove was, is here.  The air in here smells like your shampoo after you showered.  All I can see is how you would move while you slept beside me and how you would open your eyes to make sure I was the first person you would see each morning.  The can't save me....they can't save me.

Hot Tongue Kiss

I remember when I asked to kiss her, it felt like I was meant to ask, even though it took me 20 minutes to do it.  I guess she wanted me to just do it and maybe asking was like killing the surprise of it all.  After our giggle she still said yes and that was like a "lights-camera-action" announcement being shouted.  The giggle went from our faces and folded into that waiting for a kiss look.  The heat built up in my head, my face, as I inched in and my heart was already ready to burst. 
The anxiety must have heated us both up because as our lips parted just slightly, the heat turned our lips into such a soft texture that we just melted right into a deep kiss.  Tongues hot from the the inside out, both aching with desire and passionately moving literally slowed time.  We locked together that day, emotionally from fusing and melting together.  The heat still on my mind even to this day even though we've had many more since then and even though we are now just a story to each other's friends, if anything at all.  But I walk down that road every now and then in my head and I let my mind take that "what if" pill.  I go back to the edge and I envision her standing in front of me just staring at me with that silent smile. I feel my brain and tongue get hot again and my breathing changes a little while she stands there.  
I'm not sure how far things would have gotten because even in real life weren't really meant to be so this image of her at the edge smiling at me seems to be just perfect.  Maybe that's all she was supposed to be to me, a face to look at to remember how good things can be and that real love is out there to be found.  Until then I will take these mind trips to go see her standing there, smiling, waiting for me bundled up in the early evening cold air, wavy black hair over her eyes...and remember my hot tongue kiss.

laye jaye

I Stuck The Sun With A Pin

I was young, 

I was dumb

But your eyes were like a forest in early Spring

I was stupid 

I was stubborn

But your voice made me float like the perfume on your clothes

I was blind

I was selfish

But dropping everything to see you was like a great prison escape

I was fast

I was deaf

But I knew I was going to make you everything I ever wanted

Even when my world crashed

My pain was not of destruction, but from losing you

Even when the ashes covered my feet

All I wanted to do was kiss you.

Even in Summer's blaze, my heart was in arctic winter

Not from the loss...but from waiting in my own suspended animation...

for you.

As I lost friends and family turned away

All I thought was "I will have room for you when you come around".

I never got it...I never will

because as long as your alive, there is a chance

that you will love me...one day.

Hurricane Heart

Tortured souls eventually get rest
Tormented minds eventually find peace
Tears dry away
And screams soon turn to laughter.

Hurricane hearts, however, never really get rest
Loving so deep, its disastrous
Loving so hard, its mark is permanent
Loving so wild, it's fire can't be quenched.

The end of its whaling passion 
Leaves one shore then finds another
The only rest being the time between, carrying memories
Before crashing again, still looking, still hoping 

Hurricane hearts love too deep to be made real,
They may not be made for this world
Or is this world might be too young for them
That mystery only adds to the momentum

The entire time in a swell
Uncovered love, incomplete love and torn love
While still looking for more love
Burning to find the love it wants

With a  debacle in its wake
Speeding to nowhere 
and somewhere
at the same time

Fueled by desire and memory
Loss and hope, faith and anger
This Hurricane heart of mine, feels its all
When I look back, at you.


LyeJaye

Homeless

He doesn't look like me, 

But I hope he looks at you the way I did.

His hands aren't like mine,

But I hope he touches you softly.

I don't get to hear your voice anymore,

So I hope he takes the time to listen to you.

I ain't him and he's not trying to be like me,

But I hope his love at least matches mine.

Whatever I couldn't say, I hope he says.

Whatever I never did, I hope he does.

All the things I saw you as in my mind,

I hope he makes you feel it for real to him.

I let pride steal my voice,

So I hope his words give you back life.

I built a wall and shut you out,

So I hope he builds a palace with your throne beside his.

This sidewalk in the rain being bounced by passers-by

Watching you inside smiling at him around that small coffee shop table.

I've never felt the real effect of the mistake I made until now.

The pride I held on to, only left me these rain drops of tears.

Homeless.

A Knight's Oath

I want her face to light up when she hears my car pull up.

Run downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning when I open the door.

Her day was long but she hugs me with all her might.

And kisses me like this is all she waited the entire day to do.

The Sun is going down but the day only ends when she smiles at me and takes my coat.


A broken heart can be repaired.

Love can be found...again.

The burnt dessert of her heart now blooms one rose...finally.

I was not her first, maybe I won't be her last,

But I made her smile again, hug tighter and kiss deeper.

And I will make it my duty to honor and protect her.

What they stole, they can keep, for I will give her better.

Not because it's a goal

But because love is that simple.

Sub Dreams

Throw yourself down at my feet like a captured slave
Watch me look at you like you mean nothing to me.
Grow weaker as my stare gets stronger.
Fear is welcome here...in you.

Let me push you hard up against the wall.
Let me grab your face and inspect it.
Let me take a fist of your hair and pull back.
Quiver...it hurts...like it.

Let me pin your head against the wall while I feel you...all over.
My hand finds openings in your clothes and squeeze.
Do whatever you want with your hands but don't touch me.
You're not allowed.

Choked against the wall, feel my hand slide down and inside.
Be confused between air and pleasure.
Be confused between wanting more or begging to stop.
Be confused between living or climaxing.

As one hand kills, the other makes you feel alive.
Mangled in ripped clothes pinned against the wall,
Your beast has your life, literally, in both hands.
One squeezing and the other....

I let you breathe just when the time is right
You don't explode...you ascend.
I let you fall to the ground in an exhausted pile 
Look up at me and watch, as I walk out the room and leave.

Cupid Watching

If you were there, you would see them glow from looking at each other.
If you were there, you would feel time slow down as he walked towards her.
If you were there, you would feel your own knees melt at the way they kissed.
If you were there, you would want to be held, the way he held her.

The heat from the feverish breath between their lips rivaled flowing lava.
His one hand might as well have been handcuffs, the way he held both her hands over her head.
His other hand held her face drunk with passion, frowning, lips open, begging to be kissed again.
I saw their bodies locked like two speeding comets that new this was supposed to happen.

She pulled his hips in as he pulled her hair back, twisting her head, dark curls entangled in his fist.
Roving bodies, insatiable consumption, eyes locked with gasps that only a goddess could make.
Only good pain today, as his hand increases pressure on her neck, her struggle turns him on even more.
Her heart was bruised in the past, but today he replaces those bruises with bites to her side.

I stood in the corner holding my bow, my arrows slung on my back.
I stood, watching them consume each other knowing it won't be enough,
Because I poisoned the tip of the arrow with the best poison of all.
....Forever.

Untitled

Seems that nowadays relationships are based on trophies…

How good one would look in someone’s arm, the compliments one receives for the hard work in obtaining the grand prize and it can even go as far as changing oneself, the true you (thoughts, appearance, etc.) for the mere satisfaction of the other.

My question then becomes… Where does one's happiness stand?

I questions this because I've had the opportunity of trying out for all of the above mentioned (open call—audition).  However, I still wasn't enough.  Search continued-- the grass looked greener on the other side… Yet, not once did the other stop to think in reality and true consequences, such as:

Physical beauty fades away with age, but inner beauty lasts a lifetime.

Money can buy many things, yet true love could never hold a price tag.

When erections and wetness are no longer an option, genuine friendship last forever.

To countless I was worthless, and even though hurt, I can honestly say those wounds are healed.  Scars remain to remind me every day of how strong I am…

I am nobody to many… but those many don’t matter… So are they nobodies too?

By Lye-Jay

1-3-2013

Riding Off Into The Sunset

I had my blade folded many times in the hottest fire.
It was sharpened and tested to be the best.
My armor was hardened,
And my noble steed was bred for this journey only.

But why did you cry,
When I plunged my sword into the dragon
Laying the final blow to end this battle.
Then you locked the door to your room in the tower.

Was I not valiant enough?
Brave enough?
I prepared my entire life for this one moment
Yet you hide in your tower still.

I slayed a Dragon ten times my size
The dragon that held you captive, for years.
Tore my flesh and bleed right now where I stand,
For you.

Holding my sword, standing beside my horse licking his wounds
I call out your name, no answer.
I call out your name again and the wooden window to your room slowly closes.
All of this was for nothing.

I won but I lost
I go home alive, but torn in two
The only thing we did that we set off to do
Was ride of into the sunset.

Jester And The Queen

Look at my smile
But don't see my anger.
Feel my body
But don't feel the pain.
Taste my lips
But don't taste the tears.
Run your hands over my curves
But don't touch my dead heart.
Steal kisses when I'm not looking
But you'll never know how my soul was taken from me.
Show up, impress, do your mating dance, tell me sweet nothings
But your calls echo in this hollow cave.
Turn a new leaf in this withered book
But don't try to read the burnt pages.

You stare at me and you smile
I didn't know death had a pretty face.
You found a home
In my dessert...in my hell.
You show me your needle and thread
To stitch my heart that's been torn to shreds....good luck.
It's not about what's been taken
It's what I've become.
Hollow...barren
 A dried up well, 
A cave not even bats would want.

Strap your love to a hundred missiles
Aim it at my wall.
Even when you break through
You'll find there was nothing here, at all.
But stay hopeful my dear
Your valor I find entertaining.
A new jester to evoke a smile
So I can remember what it feels like to be human.
That I will credit you for
And that I will give purpose.
Pay you with my smiles as there is nothing else to trade.
As you romp about in this empty warehouse.

Incomplete Together

Let's be incomplete together.

You're an alcoholic, I'm a drug addict

So I can lecture you and you can lecture me.

Let's be incomplete together.

The house is always a mess

I cook with whats clean

And you sleep till 3 in the afternoon

Let's be incomplete together.

The laundry is piled and running over

The mailbox is full and the bills are late

Smoke stains the ceiling

Let's be incomplete together

A night never passes without you kissing me goodnight

The morning finds up wrapped up in each others arms

I have never felt this safe

Let's be incomplete together.

You saved me from the hell I was in

My family hates you and your mom said you were a mistake

You lost your job and I get a few hours at the diner

Let's be incomplete together.

We have nothing and we lost our paths

Drugs and alcohol became our vices

But the nights are never cold

Let's be incomplete together.

The world has no place for us

And we live off the scraps of luck to get by

But I have never been loved like this before

Let's be incomplete together.

The Queen

I claim your heart 

I claim this land as our paradise

I claim these people as our loyal subjects

I claim a thousand years of love.

We shall feast this day

We shall all eat and drink and be merry

For her love and beauty shall be my sunshine

In her will I enjoy a new life of happiness

Where she stands, she commands my attention

Where she walks, even the wind stops and takes a bow

Her essence has seeped into my soul  

What compelling beauty that needs such reverence

A king in my own right

Handing over my own kingdom

Handing over my own crown.

Now if I could find the words to say hello.