Ghost

Your dead already.
Your ghost sits beside me everyday on the train.

Your dead already. 
You float 2 steps ahead of me when I walk. I know its you because I remember your red wavy hair sitting on your shoulders over your jacket.

Your dead already.
Your voice got trapped in my head when it was crossing over.

Your dead already.
You stare at me every time I close my eyes.

Your dead already.
Your spirit carries your scent to me every time I inhale.

It could only be your ghost. I don't know where u live, I don't know what your doing in this world, but in my world you've come to chain your face, your body, your voice, your smell, to my soul.

It's no torture unless I try to touch you and realize my hand goes through your cheek.
It's no torture until I turn to wake up and see her face instead of yours.
It's no torture until I remember when I made u cry.
It's no torture until I realize the love I have for you will be only mine have.

But your ghost sitting beside me on the train keeps me alive.
Your scent when I inhale helps me opiate in the realty I now have to exist in.
Knowing that I will see you staring at me when I close my eyes, calms me down around the demons waiting for me to break.
So this love I have for you will stay in me for u...my prison, yet my freedom but my secret, between your ghost and my soul.

Save Me

Save me

Your taller.

Save me

Your eyes are deeper.

Save me

Your body curves more.

Save me

Your lips are fuller.

Save me

Your hair is darker.

Save me

Your voice is sexier.

I rush to find anyone who has anything that seems slightly better than you because I cannot rip you out of my body.
I rush to fall in love again because I've never felt this exposed without you.
I can't come after you, so I plunge myself in a dessert of flesh to outweigh a love I can't touch.
No matter how I feast, it is not their flesh that satisfies me so I feast even more because I don't know how I'm going to replace what I lost with you.  A passion this deep was never meant to be found twice.  I'm left to settle or imitate.  They look like you, they feel like you, but they are not you.  I want them to save me but they are not you.  I have given them a task I knew they would not meet, I have asked them to give hearts that I did not want. Then the despair they feel when they realize their sacrifice was in vain doesn't bother me because their love lost is not my love lost.  But I keep searching, I keep trying to replace, to substitute, to compare, to hide what I know will never happen again.  It's a constant, slow dissolve on my skin, one cell at a time, I run but I can't run to you, I search but I know I can't look for you.  Your face is on my eyelids, the scent of your hair lines my nose, your skin is burnt into mine, you're in me, you are me, I am you.  My head is a room decorated with photos of your face and us, the sheets we slept in are on the floor, the couch we watched movies on is in the middle of this room, the door of the first place we lived together in is over there on the right, the small kitchen where we made dinner not caring how small the stove was, is here.  The air in here smells like your shampoo after you showered.  All I can see is how you would move while you slept beside me and how you would open your eyes to make sure I was the first person you would see each morning.  The can't save me....they can't save me.

Hot Tongue Kiss

I remember when I asked to kiss her, it felt like I was meant to ask, even though it took me 20 minutes to do it.  I guess she wanted me to just do it and maybe asking was like killing the surprise of it all.  After our giggle she still said yes and that was like a "lights-camera-action" announcement being shouted.  The giggle went from our faces and folded into that waiting for a kiss look.  The heat built up in my head, my face, as I inched in and my heart was already ready to burst. 
The anxiety must have heated us both up because as our lips parted just slightly, the heat turned our lips into such a soft texture that we just melted right into a deep kiss.  Tongues hot from the the inside out, both aching with desire and passionately moving literally slowed time.  We locked together that day, emotionally from fusing and melting together.  The heat still on my mind even to this day even though we've had many more since then and even though we are now just a story to each other's friends, if anything at all.  But I walk down that road every now and then in my head and I let my mind take that "what if" pill.  I go back to the edge and I envision her standing in front of me just staring at me with that silent smile. I feel my brain and tongue get hot again and my breathing changes a little while she stands there.  
I'm not sure how far things would have gotten because even in real life weren't really meant to be so this image of her at the edge smiling at me seems to be just perfect.  Maybe that's all she was supposed to be to me, a face to look at to remember how good things can be and that real love is out there to be found.  Until then I will take these mind trips to go see her standing there, smiling, waiting for me bundled up in the early evening cold air, wavy black hair over her eyes...and remember my hot tongue kiss.

laye jaye

I Stuck The Sun With A Pin

I was young, 

I was dumb

But your eyes were like a forest in early Spring

I was stupid 

I was stubborn

But your voice made me float like the perfume on your clothes

I was blind

I was selfish

But dropping everything to see you was like a great prison escape

I was fast

I was deaf

But I knew I was going to make you everything I ever wanted

Even when my world crashed

My pain was not of destruction, but from losing you

Even when the ashes covered my feet

All I wanted to do was kiss you.

Even in Summer's blaze, my heart was in arctic winter

Not from the loss...but from waiting in my own suspended animation...

for you.

As I lost friends and family turned away

All I thought was "I will have room for you when you come around".

I never got it...I never will

because as long as your alive, there is a chance

that you will love me...one day.

Hurricane Heart

Tortured souls eventually get rest
Tormented minds eventually find peace
Tears dry away
And screams soon turn to laughter.

Hurricane hearts, however, never really get rest
Loving so deep, its disastrous
Loving so hard, its mark is permanent
Loving so wild, it's fire can't be quenched.

The end of its whaling passion 
Leaves one shore then finds another
The only rest being the time between, carrying memories
Before crashing again, still looking, still hoping 

Hurricane hearts love too deep to be made real,
They may not be made for this world
Or is this world might be too young for them
That mystery only adds to the momentum

The entire time in a swell
Uncovered love, incomplete love and torn love
While still looking for more love
Burning to find the love it wants

With a  debacle in its wake
Speeding to nowhere 
and somewhere
at the same time

Fueled by desire and memory
Loss and hope, faith and anger
This Hurricane heart of mine, feels its all
When I look back, at you.


LyeJaye

Homeless

He doesn't look like me, 

But I hope he looks at you the way I did.

His hands aren't like mine,

But I hope he touches you softly.

I don't get to hear your voice anymore,

So I hope he takes the time to listen to you.

I ain't him and he's not trying to be like me,

But I hope his love at least matches mine.

Whatever I couldn't say, I hope he says.

Whatever I never did, I hope he does.

All the things I saw you as in my mind,

I hope he makes you feel it for real to him.

I let pride steal my voice,

So I hope his words give you back life.

I built a wall and shut you out,

So I hope he builds a palace with your throne beside his.

This sidewalk in the rain being bounced by passers-by

Watching you inside smiling at him around that small coffee shop table.

I've never felt the real effect of the mistake I made until now.

The pride I held on to, only left me these rain drops of tears.

Homeless.

A Knight's Oath

I want her face to light up when she hears my car pull up.

Run downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning when I open the door.

Her day was long but she hugs me with all her might.

And kisses me like this is all she waited the entire day to do.

The Sun is going down but the day only ends when she smiles at me and takes my coat.


A broken heart can be repaired.

Love can be found...again.

The burnt dessert of her heart now blooms one rose...finally.

I was not her first, maybe I won't be her last,

But I made her smile again, hug tighter and kiss deeper.

And I will make it my duty to honor and protect her.

What they stole, they can keep, for I will give her better.

Not because it's a goal

But because love is that simple.

Sub Dreams

Throw yourself down at my feet like a captured slave
Watch me look at you like you mean nothing to me.
Grow weaker as my stare gets stronger.
Fear is welcome here...in you.

Let me push you hard up against the wall.
Let me grab your face and inspect it.
Let me take a fist of your hair and pull back.
Quiver...it hurts...like it.

Let me pin your head against the wall while I feel you...all over.
My hand finds openings in your clothes and squeeze.
Do whatever you want with your hands but don't touch me.
You're not allowed.

Choked against the wall, feel my hand slide down and inside.
Be confused between air and pleasure.
Be confused between wanting more or begging to stop.
Be confused between living or climaxing.

As one hand kills, the other makes you feel alive.
Mangled in ripped clothes pinned against the wall,
Your beast has your life, literally, in both hands.
One squeezing and the other....

I let you breathe just when the time is right
You don't explode...you ascend.
I let you fall to the ground in an exhausted pile 
Look up at me and watch, as I walk out the room and leave.

Cupid Watching

If you were there, you would see them glow from looking at each other.
If you were there, you would feel time slow down as he walked towards her.
If you were there, you would feel your own knees melt at the way they kissed.
If you were there, you would want to be held, the way he held her.

The heat from the feverish breath between their lips rivaled flowing lava.
His one hand might as well have been handcuffs, the way he held both her hands over her head.
His other hand held her face drunk with passion, frowning, lips open, begging to be kissed again.
I saw their bodies locked like two speeding comets that new this was supposed to happen.

She pulled his hips in as he pulled her hair back, twisting her head, dark curls entangled in his fist.
Roving bodies, insatiable consumption, eyes locked with gasps that only a goddess could make.
Only good pain today, as his hand increases pressure on her neck, her struggle turns him on even more.
Her heart was bruised in the past, but today he replaces those bruises with bites to her side.

I stood in the corner holding my bow, my arrows slung on my back.
I stood, watching them consume each other knowing it won't be enough,
Because I poisoned the tip of the arrow with the best poison of all.
....Forever.

Untitled

Seems that nowadays relationships are based on trophies…

How good one would look in someone’s arm, the compliments one receives for the hard work in obtaining the grand prize and it can even go as far as changing oneself, the true you (thoughts, appearance, etc.) for the mere satisfaction of the other.

My question then becomes… Where does one's happiness stand?

I questions this because I've had the opportunity of trying out for all of the above mentioned (open call—audition).  However, I still wasn't enough.  Search continued-- the grass looked greener on the other side… Yet, not once did the other stop to think in reality and true consequences, such as:

Physical beauty fades away with age, but inner beauty lasts a lifetime.

Money can buy many things, yet true love could never hold a price tag.

When erections and wetness are no longer an option, genuine friendship last forever.

To countless I was worthless, and even though hurt, I can honestly say those wounds are healed.  Scars remain to remind me every day of how strong I am…

I am nobody to many… but those many don’t matter… So are they nobodies too?

By Lye-Jay

1-3-2013

Riding Off Into The Sunset

I had my blade folded many times in the hottest fire.
It was sharpened and tested to be the best.
My armor was hardened,
And my noble steed was bred for this journey only.

But why did you cry,
When I plunged my sword into the dragon
Laying the final blow to end this battle.
Then you locked the door to your room in the tower.

Was I not valiant enough?
Brave enough?
I prepared my entire life for this one moment
Yet you hide in your tower still.

I slayed a Dragon ten times my size
The dragon that held you captive, for years.
Tore my flesh and bleed right now where I stand,
For you.

Holding my sword, standing beside my horse licking his wounds
I call out your name, no answer.
I call out your name again and the wooden window to your room slowly closes.
All of this was for nothing.

I won but I lost
I go home alive, but torn in two
The only thing we did that we set off to do
Was ride of into the sunset.