Marsha's 100 Hearts

A bloody bag of 100 hearts, dragged to a mountain's peak and set down.   

Here they are Marsha, 100 hearts. Listen to them scream, listen to them whale.  See how they bleed.  For years you silenced me from loving you and I didn't know how to express the pain you caused me. You ripped my heart so deep I couldn't find human words to scream in my head.  My heart was so shredded I didn't know how to comfort it, how to heal it. So I went and broke a hundred hearts so I could feel their pain, pain I couldn't express to you, pain I was never allowed to utter to you, gagged and refused...rejected.  I listened to their words so I could learn how to speak them to myself.  I needed their pain to lean on because I go through this life alone, carrying the remnants of this explosion, this disaster you left.  I let you move on without me and spared you the screams, I spared you having to hear how you hurt me, how you broke me.  You left me so confused, how could you love me the way you did and walk away. You said words to me I never heard from anyone else on this planet. How could you? How dare you! You left me with nothing to give anyone else after I poured all my love into you, you just kicked over my bucket and walked away.  The hollow space did not echo back to me because it was too deep to reach my ear.  I had to break these 100 hearts to fill this hollow space so I could finally use their voice against you. Their screams are my screams. Their torment became mine.  I gathered them all to be my symphony.  Their whales took over the darkness.  Their screams put me to sleep.  Their tears washed my body.  I now have the words I need to say to you, thanks to them. But now this bag of hearts will haunt me forever because I will not have your kiss to cool and quiet them.  Their whales are now beyond my control, their screams keep me up at night and I miss the darkness. So you win again Marsha, this bag of 100 hearts spoke for me but cannot save me, a point I did not consider, turning this decades old viscous hunt into nothing more than a fool's errand.  My legacy is now a path of broken hearts, chasing a love that will never exist. The one thing I can hope for is the gods to grant me the fortune to find that kiss in someone else.  Someone who will hear my wails and screams and hug them, see my tears and wipe them away, someone who will see the monster I've become and teach me how to heal and fill that hollow space you left. If I've scorched this earth too much to survive in it then I guess I will roam this dessert alone until my days end and consider that a blessing.