The Fortress Still Held

ONCE

HER LOVE 

MADE ME STRONG AS AN ARMY 

OF TEN THOUSAND MEN

AND IN MY HEART 

I GUARDED HER LOVE

WITH THE POWERS OF MINE

BUT POWERS OF ANOTHER FORCE

STOLE HER FROM THE THRESHOLD 

OF MY GATES.

AND MY ARMY'S EXISTENCE WAS DEFEATED.

BUT THERE WAS A REKINDLING OF HER IN ME

LIKE FRESH LIFE JUST BORN

AND THOUGH SHE IS NO LONGER HERE

MY ARMY HAS GROWN TWICE OVER

AND THE FORTRESS IS STILL HELD.

6-16-98 

This piece describes my advent into writing.

With words swirling in this pot call a mind

a brew of madness erupts over its edges

a fantastical over pour of hell and heaven

Riding on the phenomena that lies between them

It spreads out but never spreads thin

And a pit of English 

driven by love, lust, hate and fear 

Rides every single letter

That dance on my pen

A forever fire that blows and boils my pot

My master.

I advocate him when I draw my pen across my paper.

But I took no part

in the melodious overture of the overflow.

 A powerless man with a powerful mind

A god and a hazard in my own rite

to create and destroy it's translator.

10-25-00

My Amaze

TO A THIEF

YOUR EYES MEAN NOTHING

TO A WIZARD

YOUR LIPS SAVES NO LIFE

TO A PIRATE

YOUR HAIR BURIES NO TREASURE

TO A MAP MAKER

YOUR SKIN TELLS NO TALE

YOUR BREATH STARTS NO FIRE

BUT IT BURNS MY PASSION WHEN IT MEETS MY NECK

YOUR HANDS BUILT NO MOUNTAIN

BUT THEY ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD MY HEART

TO ME YOU ARE EVERYTHING THAT REALITY CANNOT CREATE

BUT YOU ARE REAL

YOU, ARE MY AMAZE.

Untitled

I accidentally had sex with you

I wasn't attracted to you but you liked me

You were there and sex is just a scoreboard

But now you want me to stay with you?

Sex is not payment for my feelings

It should not have been the trap for your 

prince.

I fucked you but I don't want you

When I walk away,

you'll realize that you don't have anything about you

That would attract anyone

other than your brainless pussy

Yes, I told you what you wanted to hear

But I saw the checklist you held behind your back

Go find yourself before you have nothing left to give

And stop blaming me for your prostituting legs.

2-12-99

A MONSTER BORN

I LOOK AT YOU AND WHAT DO I SEE

A VISION OF YOU, OR A REFLECTION OF ME

YOU ARE A TARGET OF MY BROKEN HEART

WHICH SAW YOU AND SAID PAYBACK IS ABOUT TO START.

YOUR VOLUPTUOUS BODY AND SEXY LIPS

THIGHS THAT TEASE, ACCENTED BY HIPS

BUT I, A RENEGADE OF PAIN

WANTS YOU FOR MY FIRST TO BE SLAIN

I COVER UP 

AND YOU THINK I FALL

THEN I BREAK YOUR HEART 

AND WALK AWAY STANDING TALL

MY REMINISCING IS ONLY PHYSICAL

AS MY HEART IS COLD AND BECOMING IMMORTAL

NO MORE HURT, NO MORE PAIN

NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE STRAIN

NEVER AGAIN WILL MY HEART BREAK

AS MY VENGEANCE FOR ALL IS PURE HEARTACHE

I'LL PLAY YOUR LIVES AS SHE DID MINE

AND DRUNK YOUR HEARTS WITH MY LIPS OF WINE

HAVE MY FILL AND DISAPPEAR

AND LEAVE YOUR HEARTS IN TOTAL DISPAIR

UNFAIR I AM,

THEN WICKED I'LL BE

AS NEVER AGAIN

WILL I GIVE MY HEART HONESTLY

FORGIVE ME

FORGIVE ME

FOR I HAVE ALREADY CARRIED YOU THROUGH AN OCEAN OF ECSTACY

I HAVE SANK YOUR MIND TO DEPTHS

WHERE FEELINGS EXIST IN ITS PUREST FORM AND MORE THAN ALIVE

FORGIVE ME

FOR I HAVE ALREADY INDULGED YOUR BREASTS

AND ELECTRIFIED THEIR NIPPLES

MY HANDS HAVE ROAMED OVER YOUR CURVES

AND FINGERS HAVE PLAYED LIKE PUPPETS OF MY MIND

FORGIVE ME

FOR MY EYES HAVE STOLEN YOUR INNOCENCE

AND REINVENTED YOUR THIGHS

FORGIVE ME

FOR MY LIPS HAVE ALREADY PLAYED ON YOUR STOMACH

AND ENTICED YOUR ESSENCE

FORGIVE ME ALSO

FOR THE ROOT OF MY BEING

HAS ALREADY BORE ITS FRUIT

IN YOUR TEMPLE

BUT IF YOU CANNOT FORGIVE ME THESE CRIMES

THEN FORGIVE ME FOR A MOST IRREFUTABLE AND MOST HEINOUS CRIME

THAT OF EXPLORING THE PASSION 

WHICH SPRINGS FROM YOUR EYES

THE CHASING

I CHASE AFTER A RIVER

I LOOK BEHIND AND SEE A SANDSTORM AFTER ME

I WANT TO SOAK MY BODY

YOU WANT TO SCORCH MY SKIN

I KNOW WHAT I WANT

BUT YOU WANT ME

HER RIVER CAN RUN AND RUN FOREVER

BUY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR WRETCHED WIND STOPS

AND YOUR DRY BODY FALLS BENEATH MY SHOE

EVEN IF I LOSE THE CHASE

MY SOLITUDE STILL WILL NOT INVITE YOU

AS YOU HAVE NOTHING

THAT A RIVER WOULD WANT

THE STUBBORN CHILD

I HAD YOU

I LOST YOU

NOW I MUST COMPETE

TO WIN YOUR HEART,

AGAIN

WHEN ALL THIS TIME

YOU HELD MY HEART PRISONER

I REFUSE

Your Wife

AT THE HEIGHT OF FEMININITY, SHE STANDS
A SENSUOUS VOICE
A BODY THAT TEASES MY HANDS
LIPS THAT MELT MY INNER CORE


SHE CONTROLS PASSION UNDER FIRE AND ICE
AS IF THEY WERE HER SERVANTS
WHEN WE MAKE LOVE


THE PINNACLE OF MY DESIRE
AS SHE TAUGHT THE WAYS OF LOVE 
OF WHICH I'VE SHARED


YES, I KNOW WHY YOU LOVE HER

My Crush Was Too Soft

My crush was too soft

I wanted it to fly into her head

And sweep her off her feet

My crush was too soft

I hoped it would give me the tongue of Casanova

So I could sway her with my words

My crush was too soft

My patience was mistaken for wisdom

I waited too long

My feelings were genuine

But I was fearful and wanted collateral

Isn't it better when your feelings are met?

My crush was too soft

She's gone.

Untitled

I TOUCHED YOUR HEART

YOU TOOK MY SOUL

I EASED YOUR MIND

YOU MADE ME WHOLE

MY WANT FOR YOU

YOUR DESIRE FOR ME

NO LONGER HELD BACK

TOGETHER, OUR SOULS ARE FREE

I'D DIE FOR YOU

YOU'D KILL FOR ME

AS FOREVER MEANS NOTHING

IF WE CANNOT BE

I KID YOU NOT

I LOVE YOU SO

I KID YOU NOT

AS ALL OTHER THINGS

I HAVE FORGOT

YOU'RE ALL I KNOW

SINCE CUPID'S ARROW AND BOW

SHOT TO MY HEART

AND STABBED IT LIKE A DART

TO BE YOUR DUDE

WOULD BE SO COOL

JUST DON'T MISLEAD ME

AND TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL

SO TAKE MY HAND

AND YOU'LL UNDERSTAND

I LOVE YOU SO

I KID YOU NOT

untittled

MEET ME

BY THE TREE

NOT THE SEA

FOR A SPREE

BUT FOR ME

IF YOU NEVER GO

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

HOW MY HEART GROWS 

AND TELLS DEATH NO

IN THAT PLACE

TAKE THAT SPACE

WHERE THE MOON LIGHTS YOUR FACE

IN SUCH INNOCENT GRACE

COME BESIDE

AND SEE INSIDE

TO WHAT I HIDE

NOT A ROAD

BUT AN ENCHANTING RIDE

LET ME VIEW 

THIS SIGHT OF YOU

AND BATTLE WITH THOUGHTS

OF WHAT TO DO

TAKE MY HAND

NOT A STAND

HEARTS IN TUNE

TO PLAY A BAND.

4 Seasons of a Kiss

Waking up on a cool summer morning

Falling asleep on a bed of leaves

Inhaling the fresh spring air

as a warm escape of winter

runs down my spine

Is the way I feel as I

Stare into your eyes 

Hold your body

Melt my lips into yours 

and realize that,

You are the only one I love.

As she passed by, I said to my friend...

Hey man,

look at that girl,

She's so fine

I wonder if she'd like to be mine.

I'd give her the world

If she'd be my girl

And love and honor

Like there was no other.

And in the night

when the stars' so bright

I'd kiss her lips and hold her tight

I'd tell her I love her a thousand times

and write her poems and make them rhyme.

And then forever each time we'd kiss

we'd still be swimming in eternal bliss

Oh man, look at that girl, 

she's so fine

I wonder if

she's like to be mine.

A Love Jones

I've got a love jones

In my bones

I can't resist

I must persist

Whatever it takes

As long as my heart aches

To get through...

Anything, I am willing to do..

I've got a love jones.

Pretty Demon

When I saw your lips, 

I didn't realise your lipstick was made of poison.

When I saw your eyes, 

I didn't realise the fire in them was burning your soul.

When you touched me,

I didn't realise there were thorns behind your skin and that the roses in your hair were already dead.

When you held me,

I didn't realise I became your slave rather than your partner.

When you took my breath away, 

I didn't realise you were stealing my innocense.

That smile you smiled

Was you rejoicing that I will never be the same after you walked away.

Love's Battlefield

We march out to love's battlefield looking like the 300 and we smile and think to ourselves, "this is easy". We see a green flat field, ordained with flowers and delicate hearts being warmed by and early morning sun coated with fresh morning dew. The sensations of happiness are it's aroma, slowly steaming in to our noses and hearts, while we stand there with our shields and spears sharpened to match our determination to live a happy life. Armour, hardened to protect our own hearts from this decadent parade of paradises' perfection.
"Easy", we think again. But touch one of these flowers the wrong way or turn your back on its warm sun or trample on its seemingly harmless grass and the slaughter goes in a different direction.

Little did we know that sharpening our blades did not prepare us to handle the torment of missing someone we hurt. Our shields cannot keep our eyes closed on those relentless sleepless nights for feeling guilty. No matter how thick or hard our armor is, it cannot stop the echo of that persons name that we want back. Nor can it withstand the crush of being with someone you know you shouldn't be with.

Yes, little do we know about love's battlefield...forward march.

When

The clouds rumble away over the hill
stealing sun's light from my face,
hiding me from you.
Why have you done this you hordes of pain and wet sorrow.
Yet I stare, peering into their space less
volume, hoping conscience
will open up one space, one space in time,
for me.
Those few seconds when gray turns to blue
then blue turns to white and white falls
on my face, you will see me and see that I
am.
So I will stand and stare, seeking that one
chance, wet chains clenching desperately
to hold me to the ground through fear you
both share.
But I will stand and stare for that one
opening, for that one ray of light will be
my exaltation over you.

PLASTER

I give you me
Everything in me
Everything for me
Everything about me

Shape it around you
Shape it in you
Mold it to your desire
And Keep it

But you cannot add to it
You cannot take from it
Or you will receive fake love
Or less love

However you have me
Have me whole
Have me forever.

From Whence Did Thou Come

To quiver in thine arms,
By a love I've never felt,
Like a candle in a fireplace
I'd surely melt.

From whence did thou come
And struck my heart and make it dumb.
Didst thou travel by those deep brown oceans
I sight in thine eye.
Or didst thou come from the sky with the hair of a goddess that made you fly.

By and by you are here
As you fill my body with Springtime air
But as light as I've become, I cannot take flight
As I am lost in thy love, try as I might

As you hold my head and kiss my face
I forget where i am and lose my place
But I find myself where I want to be
In the timeless currents of love
Of the deep blue oceans and the sea.

In Her Room (for those of you in love with a friend).

I sit beside the goddess who controls the winds in my heart, she sleeps. Oh how easily she moves me. I fear to touch her, her electrifying skin, roving with magnetism, I'm dying to touch her side, to run my hand down her back and turn her around. She rests in my chest like a treasured body of memories, she sleeps by my side and I see her body, breathe and breathe. I fear the dark love I have will cover me and kiss her, for we kiss in mind and not in lips.
But a thorn of life's unfairness lies in this presence and fear thunders over courage. Nonetheless, I watch her breathe, i watch her move and hope for a glance to see her lips again. I am at peace here, this is what I want, for nothing fills my eyes like her...nothing.

THE SPELL

The tale of a mermaid
And a cloud caught by a gargoyle
I made your lips.

The Kings gold
And the heart of an artist, 
I made your eyes.

The god of silk
And the wizard's weaver,
I made your skin.

Stories of voyagers
And Galileo's maps
I made your curves.

A harvester's dream
And a farmer's hand,
The freshness of your body now exists.

With Medusa's greatest spell
And the power of a vampire's heart
I fell in love

IF

If I am to be determined
I mist listen to the stories of the Rock of Ages.

If I am to be strong
Then I must hold the ocean with the earth.

If I am to be patient
Then I must walk with the elephants

If I am to be kind
Then I must give more than the waterfall

If I am to be faithfull
Then let me turn with the seasons

If I am to love
The I must be held by you.

Untitled

I sit in a chair
Yet i sink in an Ocean
I stare at the wall
Yet I see forever.
The days turn
Yet I am frozen.
I Inhale the air
Yet it is you I breathe

I fear not that of travel
Yet I am lost in your eyes.
I falter for no one
Yet I am weak in your arms.
I see things as they are
Yet I am bewildered by your beauty
I conquered my world
Yet I gave you my heart without thought
I pour out my soul to you
Yet, to me, it is not enough.

IF YOU LEAVE

Go, walk away
Go back to what your heart only sees
Return to what your mind only knows
Return to the depths your soul only feels.

But you'll never see what the last star looks like
You'll never learn of the oceans of bliss
That lie at the end of the universe.
You'll never breathe love
And have it pulse through your veins
Nor feel it whisk away your mind

What your eyes have seen to the last
My arms alone start over the following horizon
What your mind encumbers as an ocean of love
My passion alone can tear away its edges.

You lose your strength under the deepest kiss
But I alone can kiss your mind.
The eyes you stare in will never show you power
But my voice alone will have it rip through your soul.

He knows your body
But I alone can caress your passion
He fills your emotions
But I alone can drown it in an ocean of ecstasy.

But the sun will eat my soul
The moon will freeze my mind
And the stars with tear my body away...
If you leave.

AWAY

Away from me
My body expels my soul,
As a feeling as strong as this
Cannot be contained as one whole.

Through death
And defiance,
My heart has made immortality 
An alliance,
As loving you takes more than one lifetime to do.

Through physical heaven
And immortal hell,
I go through, 
Knowing I can only have, 
All of you.

Until death do us part
But never leave my heart.

IF NOT FOR LOVE

Greek gods of this ancient world
hear me.
My plight is not mine as a mortal.

My task is much too great
For me to die doing something which has no end.
The powers are beyond me to conquer my desire.

Give me the gift of immortality
And put death out of my sight
My request is only for a quality you take for granted,
But one which I will put on my pedestal of life.

I must live forever
To explore this abyss
To walk on its floor

I must live forever
To have it become me
The have it flow through my veins.

I must live forever
To learn everything there is in love
I must live forever,

To love her

Everyday...

Everyday you see your family, you should hug them like you were fusing yourself on to them.

Every time you see your loved one, kiss them like your were going away on a long trip.

Every moment that you take to write something, make it a little deeper.

With every thought you think someone could hear that may help them...tell them.

Words can hurt but lack of words can do just as much damage.  When was the last time you told a friend, thanks for being there or thanks for knocking sense into you or supporting you even though you did the wrong thing....tell them.

People won't know what they are worth until YOU tell them.

For those who are emotional anchors to their friends, to those who will make that 2am drive to help a friend and just about break the law to save a friendship...stand to the ready...your post rarely comes with medals and rewards but when called upon, no dollar amount, jewel or bounty will stop you...because that is your friend...tell them.

Unclaimed Love Department

This is the unclaimed love department.

To all the lost loves out there still roaming about in our hearts.

To all the ex's that still give us pause when we think about them and wonder.."what if".

To that girl or guy on the road, train or bus that you locked eyes with for five minutes and you saw your life and children with them but never spoke a word.

To that person you rubbed shoulders with and it felt like home but you only saw their face from the side.

This is the unclaimed love department.

This is the unclaimed love department.

Your only here when you read it.

While you read...its ok to think about them, look through the missing files.

This is the unclaimed love department, in here we're just people who missed great chances.

This is the unclaimed love department, it's ok to smile that smile that you can't smile when you're out in the real world...it's ok.

This is the unclaimed loved department.

The winds of time freeze here.

Held down by the memories that you can't let go

Held down by just the fact that you remember

Held down by our creative imagination that fixates on the "what if".

But it's ok...this is the unclaimed love department.

While you're in here, read through those files, read about what you never realized with her or him.

Sit at a desk or on the floor on in the couch over there by the window with your stack of files in your lap.

It's quite ok..this is the unclaimed love department.

These files stay here.

These memories are frozen here

But thats's all they will ever be because we chose other paths...other people.

Not to say that's wrong but thats the beauty of life...love is found not prescribed

So those unexplored roads that we never chose wind up here, stored, some to be forgotten, some not.

But that's ok...because this is...The Unclaimed Love Department.

In The End

In the end, you were able to walk away...even if you were pushed or thrown away.

In the end you started a new path...even if you had no light to guide those new steps.

In the end you were able to find solace somewhere...even if it came with scolding.

In the end...it was ended.

So in this end you will find beginning.  

A beginning that has nothing to do with what was.

Even if some things must remain...you will feel new air in your body to deal.

In this end, you, will come back to you.

A cycling of the seasons if you must.

But in the end you still have your sanity, your life, your feet and hands.

Walk this new path, even though its dark.

Grab these new branches though unfamiliar at first.

Embrace it, fear it or cower at each step, but make sure each step is ahead of the one before,

Because in the end you will be far away from there and enjoying a new life here.

In the end, you will control this end.

Your tears will be yours and not caused by their actions.

Your wounds will become battle scars of resilience.

In this end, you win.