If there were 19 things I could say, I'd talk about the first 19 seconds when I saw you and what started to happen in my mind. I'd remind you about the 19 seconds you walked behind me and what started to happen in your mind that told you that you need to follow me and let me lead you. I'd talk about the 19 seconds before I kissed you the fist time and how my body swelling from being pulled by you as you spoke and how I was just taken over by the need to break every rule in the book. I could count out 19 moments this stick out in my mind.
The way your hand felt the first time I held it.
The first time I noticed you comfortably sitting the hidden room of my heart. You found it and walked in without knocking and I didn't even see, I just turned and you were there, like you were always there, like that seat was yours and you're back for it.
The first time you came over.
The first time I smelt your hair
The first time I walked behind your and smelled your vanilla perfume.
The moment I realized that if I didn't kiss you now I was going to burst.
The way your lips felt the first time I kissed you and how you made my head spin.
The way your skin felt the first time I drew my hand over your body.
The fist time the world froze because our kiss was so deep, it was our souls kissing.
The first time I felt we were from before and the realization you were the home I was looking for.
The first time we made love, how we were so caught up, feeding on each other in a trance.
The first time you drove your face into my neck as you curled up on me.
The times when you held my face to kiss me.
The first time we laid on the couch for over an hour just listening to music.
The first time your said something powerful about your feelings for me.
The first time I woke up to a long 3am text from you being consumed by me, by us.
The fist time we drove to the beach in my car and how we touched the whole way.
The fist time you told me you loved me.
The first time you told me you need me
Each of those moments burn like a super nova in my mind on constant replay. I could talk about the 19 months and how flawed and imperfect it's been, but I would have to say how much of a whole different world it's been being in love with you. Nothing else feels logical, other than we were one soul split apart for centuries searching for each other and finally finding each other again. I could talk about how one look from you still levels me to this day, whether it's in person or a picture of you. I'm so taken by you, so drawn to you, so overpowered by you, so lost in your control, so lost in your eyes, that you live ever present in my mind, day and night. This doesn't stop, this hasn't stopped, even during the times when we things were unclear. It was actually during those times I was introduced to how scared I felt if I lost you and that taught me how deep my feelings are for you. It's not an attachment, it's a belonging, it's finally understanding that my way of loving never worked with anyone else by seeing how it naturally flows and exist with your presence in my life. This connection that doesn't ask for permission to exist, this obsession that keeps revealing more and more depth, live rolling over endless cliffs going down an abyss. The draw that doesn't seem to slow down. I am in it and it is in me, a cycle charged and released, to never find an end.
