She didn't realize I saw her. It caught her off guard. She turned around and rolled out this huge sheet of paper with a fire drawn on it with crayons and started shaking and waving it at me. As she held it up, she roared like a kid imitating a lion. It was her defense mode. Looking at the fire, it was fierce and large, warning you would get burned if you tried to get too close. Her inner child roared and she even stepped closer, wanting to push me away or I'd get burned. Yes, this was a fierce fire. But I had already seen her, and from the side you could see it was just a thin piece of paper. She didn't want anyone to know that.
What's funny was she would peek from behind this giant paper, looking at me with the crayons in her hand she use to color the flames. She has this smile on her face where she wanted me to be impressed or scared by her great wall of fire, but in her eyes she wanted me to stay. She wanted me to get burned and leave her alone but also wanted me to grab this huge paper and lay it down. But she didn't know how to stop shaking the paper and roaring. It's the only way she has come to be because others who saw her, hurt her, so it was safer to keep this wall of fire up, but at the same time didn't want me to walk away.
She kept checking if I was burned yet, or walked away but also wanted to know that would still be standing there. She would color in more flames and try to roar louder at times, but in her eyes when she peaked around, she wanted me to stay. If I ripped down her wall of fire I know it would be taking away the only thing she had left, leaving her vulnerable. It was the only thing safe she knew. If she only knew, I would be giving her me and my battalion of love in my chest which would protect her for eternity, but this kind of love is new to her and others have fained this level of intensity and drowned when she opened up. I can contain her fire, I can cool her, I can match her depth. But for now she doesn't know it but she senses it, which is why she wants and hopes I continue to stay. Maybe she'll roar less and shake the paper less. Maybe one day she will lay it down on her own, and see that all I was doing was waiting to love her the only way she can recognize, the only way I know how to love. For now, I stand and smile back at her every time she peaks around.
