Owed To My Dad

On my 15th birthday, you came and said, "Andre, you're a man now...it's time to go out there and learn the world". That phrase has been burnt into my hands, my feet, my eyes.  I watched you as you would drive your sleeping family on Sunday nights back from the country.  I listened, as you made me sit in the passenger seat and tell me I need to learn to be awake for the whole drive, as it will be my turn to drive my sleeping family and I will need to be vigilant. I'm not sure if you thought my young ears would not listen but I did. I listened to all your quotes and sayings over the years.  I never said thank you because, at the time, I was too young to understand or live most of them, but as I went out into the world, they would become my sword and shield.  

We butted heads because you wanted me to be a doctor but when my life was upside down, I joined the health industry becoming a fitness mentor helping people with their health and I was successful at it, as a matter of fact, that's how I met the woman of my dreams.  And look at where I am now, soaring in leadership in the largest Hospital network in the Northeast USA.  I may not hold a scalpel but I've been affecting lives on a daily basis...you win.  

We butted heads again when you wanted me to be a pilot, but I have become a pilot, a pilot of my life. I went out there and took charge, took chances, I figured things out, I did what I had to do, and now I've climbed to heights with even more to soar in this endless horizon I am no longer afraid of.  I'm high on life dad, thanks to you...you win, again.

Whenever a challenge presents itself in my life, regardless of my actions, you're words and mom's words always come to mind first. They're tattooed in my mind guiding me and keeping me safe.  I thought I would never be as great as you, so I never acknowledged my own accomplishments.  But the people I now love and cherish have shown me I have much to celebrate and though not in the exact footsteps, they have shown me my greatness, a greatness worthy of acknowledgment.  They say "Like father, like son", I used to shy away from that saying, now I wear it proud.  As I move further into my own journey of life, I want you to know you have armed me well. You have raised an intelligent, strong, capable and proud son.  I conquer anything I put my mind to, in my name and yours and I want you to know I remain graced to be your son, proud to use my sword and shield, confident that what you have taught me can be taken to the Bank of Life any day, any time.  Being lucky to be your son has not only charged me with having a fruitful life, but determined to carry your vision as my own and pass down this sword and shield, making you live...forever. Thanks Daddy.

The Receipt

 You walk around with my heart in your back pocket like an old receipt you forgot about.

You smile, hang out with friends, laugh, drink, while I'm there, stifled,  hidden...forgotten.

No clue I'm there, no clue how much I loved you, no clue how much I'll always be in love with you.

You go home and throw your jeans on the floor, almost like trash..the way you threw me.

I end up in a washing machine and my heart gets drowned, ripped apart then burned in the dryer but you only take out the jeans. 

Your eye catches pieces of white paper, I think you finally see me and I look up with the gaze of a soul being rescued from hell.

But all you did was gather me up, crumple me, again, after all the hurt and in a final act of rejection, you throw me in the trash, now literally just as figuratively.  

I guess my circle of use and relevance is now complete.

You put those jeans on again and go out.