Winds that kissed my cheek speed up and start to get angry, and rumble. Sun rays which cascaded the mountain-side recluse and lightening descends. Only, this was not the weather turning the season, the cave I'm entering is not my home. My paradise was you, your eyes, and arms my home. The storm coming is my guilt from my betrayal, this cave is my castaway. Expelled from your heart, this cave is now my prison, a world without you. Nothing to do but compress my love and feel my soul crack from the inside. It wales and lashes in my chest, in my head, in my hands. No sword to kill it, no shield to stop its sting. I can't make it go away and it will not leave. I will make it sleep...a silent fight, a silent struggle, a silent torment. Curled up clutching my chest, holding it with all my might while my love for you slumbers restlessly knowing I can't give it to anyone else but you.
Outside is pitch black now, just rain and thunder in all their fury. Rain dops so angry, when the lightning strikes they look like bars caging me in. My life rolls on like a sealed can on a conveyer belt, no one knows I'm empty. I look like everyone else, I have to, or I would fall to my knees in agony, crippled in mourning. You look at me and you see a functioning shell, passing all the tests. But just below my skin is a scream so soul-shattering waiting to escape.
When will I have your face 6 inches from mine, when will our fingers be clasped while we sleep, when will your eyes show me forever. This will never happen again. But this guilt is mine to carry until Anubis calls out to me. I will never give it to anyone else, While my love for you slumbers on, I will stroke its hair as I would if you were asleep beside me. I will kiss its forehead as it is the most precious thing to me. I will lock my arms around it as I will hold no one else this tight, ever again. I will keep my eyes closed and hold on to your image in my mind for as long as I take breath. I've had your love and with it, I need not love again, for your embrace is perfection and your kiss is an intergalactic exploration. Our memories will soothe my years. To die alone and join the slumber of my love for you, reunited and I won't have to fight anymore. I won't have to hang my head in shame anymore. I won't have to look at those bars or hear the thunder anymore. I can live in the eternal Spring holding your hand and watching you smile at me.
Until then, hibernate.
