Champion

If it was an argument, I'd win and walk away with a smile.
It it was a fight, it would be bloody and vicious but my victory would be sweet.
If it was a war, it would be calculated and precise and I would take your flag over slit throats with blood on my boots.
If it was a hunt, the kill would be silent and the skin be my new coat with the head in my trophy room waiting for stories to be rgailed.

If it were anything else, I would come out on top every time.
But this was not the usual clash and battle.
It wasn't about fists, knives, bullets or flags.
This was about her coming back in my life and I had to decide.

No enemies, just entangled love with other.
Now, to her I had to break hearts.
I had to rip dreams, I had to unkiss them, I had to rot hopes.
They wanted what she wanted but she deserved it more.

Why did she have to come back now, at this time.
But I unsheathed my sword anyway and I killed their desires.
This time as I walk to her holding my crown, 
It wasn't rose petals but pieces of broken heart being thrown on at my feet.

Her love costed theirs and this victory was bittersweet.
I cannot unlove but I can love deeper, with her.
The wine in my cup was their tears but she will be in my bed tonight.
I'll make love to her then fall asleep to nightmares of them.

She will kiss my forehead while they haunt me inside.
Slain love doesn't die like soldiers on a field.
It haunts you and all you see is them on their knees, holding their hearts in their hands.
A love I never thought I was waiting on, greater than them all came back for me, I chose but this trophy, is heavy.

I broke hearts to to hers, I ruined lives to live my life with hers.
I can only hope the haunting and nightmares end some day.
One eye sees her smile, the other sees the pain I caused.
A win that cost too much.

The Fruit of Pain

When hate is all you've been given, when hate is all you've known to survive on, when hate is all you've been taught, then hate is what you've become.  And I'm not just talking about the outward disdain of others, that's too easy and child's play.  I'm talking about deep seated resentment that gets born from secrets exposed.  I'm talking about the need for spite that comes from failed loyalty.  I'm talking about time and time again, people who claim to have your back but were only riding on your side for what they could get until the getting was over.  Fake lovers, torn and disrupted, bleeding from an infraction that never healed. Putting my heart on the line to say "yes you", but you said "no" and walked away.  Worse is the love that gets reeled in slowly because they didn't want to work through a challenge.  The love that gets filtered.  The love that gets hidden, the love that gets diluted or inflated.  All of these have graced the table that I was meant to feast at.  Bitter meals for years have turned my blood into poison and I no longer remember what a rose smells like.  I see one and all I do is expect it's death.
I especially enjoy when my hate gets turned towards someone so I can play my fantasies of death with them. Pouncing on them in the middle of the night, ripping their chest cavity open to feel their still beating heart or sometimes a sweeter feeling is to just squeeze their neck and watch their fight dwindle until nothing moves.  That drain from them is like a filling to me as I've finally got someone to feel what I feel every time she lied.  Every time she said she loved me when she didn't, every time she said he was with a friend when she was not, everytime she said she was at work but she was out with someone else.  A small taste of that betrayal I am able to return and it feels so good that sharing this pain takes away my loneliness...company for a few moments, stolen though it may be.
Why was it always taken away, why was it never given to me freely the way I was ready to give it to them.  Every time, taken away like you take toy from a child for breaking a vase. Never once did she stand in the hurricane and call my name.  Never once did she let the Carnival sail away and wait for me.  Never once did she fight even after receiving the first blow.  I was never worth their salt even when I poured my blood from my own neck on their feet and washed their heels with it. I drowned over and over again seeking the love to match what I had to give and not once did she think I was worth a cold night. Death to them all.

Frozen Secrets

Covered in snow, frozen deep under.

Hidden so long, the tracks to their places have been lost.

Covered so long even their details have been forgotten

But hidden they must stay.

Melting them away to see my true face

Warming my heart away from their pain

Making me create new tracks going away from them

Determined you are it seems.

Bring your fire, I see the blaze in your eyes

Bring your desert heat, I feel it in your chest

Show me the hand you will use to rescue me.

Show me the paradise in your body, my new home.

But you may have to scream louder than a phoenix

You may have to burn brighter than a thousand comets

You may have to shake my frozen tundra harder than a planet breaking in two.

My eyes and ears ache to see you win

Until then, I sit with my rock of ages

Torn, broken beaten, forgotten...frozen

Never to see what real love is, ever again.

So try my love...try.

Things That Come

11pm.
Dark fingers with steely hair reach up.  
Tap tap tap, black finger nails strike the window.
"come out come out, its time to play, we missed you."
The taps on the window echo in the dark room somehow in slow motion.  They reach his ears and his eyes open.  A heavy sigh instead of a sleepy exhale.  No sleep tonight...again.
"We are here for you to pay us with your dreams, pay us for all the wicked and evil things you have done...yes...yes."
As he sits up he can now see through the window where the taps came from and behind the hand still on the glass he could see a group of black misfigured demons nodding their heads.  Nodding to a rhythm he can't follow.  
"Ah there you are, come with us, it is time, we are here to feed on you because you deserve no sleep wicked one''  and with the dark night sky behind them, they start to dance. Their ugly bodies moving to a silent song beyond the glass.  He sits and stares almost hypnotized but not quite. They dance to put him in a trance so they can replace his thoughts and turn his vision inside to make him watch reels of thoughts, thoughts of all those he hurt.  But tonight they show him more than what he did, they show him what happened to them after.  He sat there in this captive state, his body their hostage while they torture him with their pain.
An ery voice whisper in, "wicked must see what wicked do, you wicked but you do not see wicked man, but we are here to take payment for your wickedness, you will not sleep, you will not be happy, we will come every night and take from you what you take from them" 
Hours pass with the man sitting up in this trance, watching their pain become his nightmares, over and over and over again.  They dance, dark ugly shadows of demons right outside the window, prancing in their dream conjuring, feeding the pain of those he hurt while stealing his happiness.
The dark blue night gets tipped with orange and they stop dancing and vanish.  His body falls back to bed dazed and tired. Only one hour to sleep before the alarm goes off in an hour. Tonight, they will be back.

I Need To Be Super Human

I need to be super human
For her gaze will weaken your knees and you will fall.

I need to be super human
For her touch will light your skin ablaze and burn a passion in your mind you could never imagine.

I need to be Superhuman
For her kiss will rip you from this earth and transport you to another galaxy.

I need to be super human
For her words of love will drown you in an abyss of delight that you will never be normal again.

I need to be superhuman
For every man before me was never strong enough to give her the love she needs.

I need to be super human
For my days loving her will be only to lift her up as my queen.

I need to be super human 
For the nightmares of her past pain comes like a dragon and my hugs need to be the shield that rocks her back to sleep.

I need to be super human
Because I cannot give her one lifetime when she offers forever.

I need to be super human
For my love will burst my chest if I never get the chance to love her.

I need to be super human
For if she walks away I could never live.

Shelia

My mother was treated inferior
But she still didn't become wayward

My mother didn't throw away her life because she was thrown away.

My mother's life was hard
But we were treated like royalty

My mother was raised where the only lesson was that life was hard and no one cares
But she says my room is always here, no matter how hard my own life gets

My mother was forced to go to school barefoot
But we always had more than we needed

My mother was shown hatred and neglect
But she has shown us nothing but tolerance and support

My mother could have given up on hope
But when I'm lost, she always knows what to say.

My mother had to hide to study and was still held from taking exams
But when we needed something for school, the world had to wait till she made it happen. 

The darkness they beat into her back
She chipped away with her little light

Every hit was a hammer's blow to the iron that made her sword.
Instead of breaking her, it made her strong, stronger than any woman I know.

That strength, she passed on to us.
The hope stolen from her, she gave back to us in her words.

We now know how to love because she wasn't loved
This woman was never broken down by her past, she was built up by it.

My mother is the Barefoot Queen, hunter of Love and gatherer of peace
We are the presentation of what she never had and we stand proud in her fight, her will her love.

All hail my Queen, my mother.
Her name is Shelia.