When Beasts Cry

I borrowed your time because I didn't want mine.
I made you smile at me since I forgot what that looked like 
I spent your company to fill in the blanks of my loneliness
I made you think about me because my head is hollow.

I stole your heart because mine is hardened
I took your kiss because it allows me to remember when I was good
Your gaze at me is that ray of sunlight coming through my prison window
Making you fall for me is all I know how to do.

Some collect expensive works of art
Others collect heads for trophies
I collect love
And I hang them off my belt

Walk into my fire, my kiss is deep, your breath will be taken, your body will quiver
You will forget who you are, you will forsake others and run to me, to be ...swept up.
But each time, I actually wanted to, each time was an effort to break my chain
But each time ended as I just don't know what to do next.
So I start over, looking for the 'it' that I made you find.

I found it once and it was torn away from me with such a wretched despise it taught me it must be so precious and so limitless, it must be fought for
And it must be sought after with no compromises and there will be that one difference
To let me know that I've found it...again

It must exist beyond her smile, beyond her kiss, beyond her fire
So I search and search....I has to exist...beyond her
I need to find it...again.
So I turn over hearts like rocks...searching.

But my hunter's art has become my craft and meaning has been lost
Now it's all I know to do
Am I meant to find it or or has my search lost sight?
What am I looking for, it or you?

My hunt continues, my craft has become me.
Strong enough to walk away.
Nose like a wolf to sense the next.
Cunning as a fox to make them fall before I do.
Cruel as a vulture when their love was not good enough.
Fast like a cheetah to get back on the trail.
The beast I've become is only to endure, to protect me.

My body never gets cold because I burn to feel like that again.
That's the warmth you wrap yourself in.
You breath is taken away because my claws squeeze your heart looking for what comes out.
Your body quivers because I've turned you upside down, inside out.
Searching every part of you, vigorously, assiduously...as if on a rampage.
To see if you could be 'it', to see if you could love me...the way she did.

I leave you scattered like a room vandalized
Your heart unable to bleed again
Your love...taken
Now on my belt with the rest, as I run.

All I hear now, my hands and feet pounding the night forest floor 
and my breath fueling my fever, my anger, my hurt.
Anger that you were not her, hurt that I had to give of me.
Only to be disappointed, again.

YOU DID THIS TO ME!
THIS MONSTER..IS YOUR PET!
WATCH ME SLASH MY WAY BACK TO YOU!

Scratches

As we put our ties on,

All we want to do is tear our skin off.

We use the mirror to put on a face everyone will love,

While we hide the true animal...beast...demon.

Sitting in traffic going to a place to take orders,

While our minds pound to run naked and free and fast, screaming.

Spending every ounce of energy to keep our hearts beating slow and quiet,

Because hearing it beat heavy in our ears reminds us that we've denied being alive.

We call 'them' animals yet we want their freedom, their limit...less...ness.

We impose and conform; cuffs, belts, ties, lipstick, ponytails, etiquette; elbows off the table, cross your legs...making every attempt to drown the banshee screams bubbling, swelling to come out.

We deny the essence, the energy, the true center of the very thing given to us that makes us unstoppable and we cover it up. 

But...it scratches, gnaws, snarling and biting like a wolf scratching at a trap-door to run free outside in the sun.  To run, to sweat, breathe, feel its heart pounding in its chest, hear it in its ears, love, hate, bite, fuck.

Fix your collar.