When Beasts Cry

I borrowed your time because I didn't want mine.
I made you smile at me since I forgot what that looked like 
I spent your company to fill in the blanks of my loneliness
I made you think about me because my head is hollow.

I stole your heart because mine is hardened
I took your kiss because it allows me to remember when I was good
Your gaze at me is that ray of sunlight coming through my prison window
Making you fall for me is all I know how to do.

Some collect expensive works of art
Others collect heads for trophies
I collect love
And I hang them off my belt

Walk into my fire, my kiss is deep, your breath will be taken, your body will quiver
You will forget who you are, you will forsake others and run to me, to be ...swept up.
But each time, I actually wanted to, each time was an effort to break my chain
But each time ended as I just don't know what to do next.
So I start over, looking for the 'it' that I made you find.

I found it once and it was torn away from me with such a wretched despise it taught me it must be so precious and so limitless, it must be fought for
And it must be sought after with no compromises and there will be that one difference
To let me know that I've found it...again

It must exist beyond her smile, beyond her kiss, beyond her fire
So I search and search....I has to exist...beyond her
I need to find it...again.
So I turn over hearts like rocks...searching.

But my hunter's art has become my craft and meaning has been lost
Now it's all I know to do
Am I meant to find it or or has my search lost sight?
What am I looking for, it or you?

My hunt continues, my craft has become me.
Strong enough to walk away.
Nose like a wolf to sense the next.
Cunning as a fox to make them fall before I do.
Cruel as a vulture when their love was not good enough.
Fast like a cheetah to get back on the trail.
The beast I've become is only to endure, to protect me.

My body never gets cold because I burn to feel like that again.
That's the warmth you wrap yourself in.
You breath is taken away because my claws squeeze your heart looking for what comes out.
Your body quivers because I've turned you upside down, inside out.
Searching every part of you, vigorously, assiduously...as if on a rampage.
To see if you could be 'it', to see if you could love me...the way she did.

I leave you scattered like a room vandalized
Your heart unable to bleed again
Your love...taken
Now on my belt with the rest, as I run.

All I hear now, my hands and feet pounding the night forest floor 
and my breath fueling my fever, my anger, my hurt.
Anger that you were not her, hurt that I had to give of me.
Only to be disappointed, again.

YOU DID THIS TO ME!
THIS MONSTER..IS YOUR PET!
WATCH ME SLASH MY WAY BACK TO YOU!

Scratches

As we put our ties on,

All we want to do is tear our skin off.

We use the mirror to put on a face everyone will love,

While we hide the true animal...beast...demon.

Sitting in traffic going to a place to take orders,

While our minds pound to run naked and free and fast, screaming.

Spending every ounce of energy to keep our hearts beating slow and quiet,

Because hearing it beat heavy in our ears reminds us that we've denied being alive.

We call 'them' animals yet we want their freedom, their limit...less...ness.

We impose and conform; cuffs, belts, ties, lipstick, ponytails, etiquette; elbows off the table, cross your legs...making every attempt to drown the banshee screams bubbling, swelling to come out.

We deny the essence, the energy, the true center of the very thing given to us that makes us unstoppable and we cover it up. 

But...it scratches, gnaws, snarling and biting like a wolf scratching at a trap-door to run free outside in the sun.  To run, to sweat, breathe, feel its heart pounding in its chest, hear it in its ears, love, hate, bite, fuck.

Fix your collar.

Sewn Oats

Your beauty has inspired dreams

Your beauty has made men walk away from their own dreams

Your beauty has also killed dreams

Your beauty has left men wondering in a black abyss

I've thrown away my life for you

I've walked away from my dream for the dream you are. 

Letting your beauty in was the loosening of the pillars under my world

Chasing after your beauty was my plunge into that abyss I now call home

Torment could never be more creative than to see a face I will never touch again

To remember a touch, a kiss a smell that will never repeat 

I open my eyes and see black

I close them, I see you.

This devil...this hell...your face...my heart.

Given, taken, ruined, cursed.

The Herd

I live among the lost, but I am not lost
I live among people who hate, but I do not hate
I live among the desperate but I have found my peace
I walk among the blind using my third eye.

I've unlocked my flesh and given power to my soul
My body is but a vessel and I have stopped listening to its cries.
I walk away from herded sheep and get the head nod of acceptance by the wolf to pass.
For I am no longer one of 'them'.

My Soul is alive now and it feeds on life as my flesh feeds on food.
They wear their burdens as trophies seeking pity as would a lying addict
I stretch my hand to save and help and show, but ignored like a beggar on the street.
My tears I will not shed.

An awakened soul must seem selfish because it is a light seen only by the seeker.
It's glory must be earned and thus cannot be given as a gift
Giving to the unappreciated is vampirical to our spirit
So we must ignore to lost who want to stay lost.

Life has more to offer than the desires of the flesh
Because even when the flesh is full you still feel something missing.
It's the acknowledgment of a soul unborn, with more to offer
A completeness of spirit and happiness, the real circle.

Searching for what you feel is missing is not in the desires of the flesh
Neither is it in the attaining of things
But in the elevation of soul healing and awakening
Divorce your flesh and fall in love with your soul.

Her Name Was...

If jet black hair was the sign of sorcery, she would be the Witch Queen
When stares turn others into stone, her glance rips your world apart
A singular gesture of her smile emotes a thousand whispers in my head lasting weeks.
Leaning in for the kiss was no different than moving in for the kill.

But what good is mystery if you see the reveal
The moving horizon envies her 
Even though she walked into my world, she crash landed in my heart.
Poisoned my lungs sneaking in like a mist
Then disappearing like a fast sunrise

The wind along my neck reminds of her jet black hair as she slept.
Echos of those whispers play around like butterflies in my ears
while I stare my world in a debacle
Yet all I want is a kiss.

Mystery woman, mystery love, mystery torment.
Licking my wounds waiting for the next coming
A love I may never have
Yet I have it so great.

273

I deleted 273 pictures that I had of your face off of my computer today.
A face I thought I would die staring at.
A face that I thought was only possible in dream.
A face that could have only been created just for me.

I played that album over an over, everyday, each shot fading into the other.
Each moment replaying your smile as if it were the first.
Each time playing different encounters of us.
A hug, a kiss, a stare, watching your face and your breath while you slept on my chest.

I stock piled your pictures as a squirrel would his acorn preparing for the winter.
I had to have them.
I made fun telling you to send me more pics but they were my acorn.
Each pic was showing me a new day that could be born through your eyes.

The darkness I was in, didn't need a moon or a sun or a starry sky.
It needed you.
The giving over to you rivaled Niagara's passion and I didn't know how to tell you.
If it was a crush, infatuation or love, I only knew I had to have your face.

I'd see you that day, leave and go home only to start the slideshow.
Pictures where you smiled, where you didn't, where you looked serious, where you looked sad, with hair over your eyes.
Over and over again for the first time.

I trapped your essence in those 273 pictures.
But I was the one that was trapped.
My darkness seemed to be on the outside when I watched your face.
And it seemed as if Love was going to give me another chance to get it right.

Heart's Crisis

So angry that you can't feel anything
So in love that you feel everything.

Loving when you don't want to.
Hating because you need to.

Existing when you cannot be.
Living because this is what you are.

Those days when you're numb watching the world speed by.
Those moments that breathe life into you but end too soon.

Forgetting to dream places you in a prison of memory.
But dreaming with out memory of who you are is just as dangerous.

Some say hell is enduring repeated peril.
Hell is being in love alone.

Passion ignited is the definition of life itself.
Passion lost is the definition of torment.

We need and we need life to live love and heal.
But in the end, we need.

The Path

Take, tear, sweat, bleed.
We all want things but not many are prepared to go after it.

Turn away, walk away, forsake.
We all want a new morning but fear keeps us gripping the night, 
finding shelter in its known darkness and greater fear of the bright unknown.

Alone, singular, prime.
This goal can nothing else but your own
As every step must be earned or forfeit by your own will.

Dream, Fly, Soar
Break the shackles of your old self, look up and step with educated choice.

Transform, become, be.
Live the new you now and not see it as a dream across the field hazed in a morning never to come.

Forget,
The ways of old, the ways of rust, the ways of stagnation.

The end,
Never approaches for this journey possesses not the finality of the one you lead now.