She Will

When you cheat with a married woman

It's not about you...never was.

That smile that you gave and got returned

Was her hooks sinking in your mind.

Those texts that said but didn't say,

Was master's taunting game...you were just prey.

The psychological trickery of a broken wife.

You were only a portal and not the prize.

The power you feel you gained,

Getting this woman, this married woman, to concede to you

Was only her chains pulling you in, not the other way round.

But you were too dizzy with her tears...too busy playing hero

Trap open, bait set...silence.

Her laced body in a private hotel.

The joys of tainted love

Play their dance of the pied piper.

The love you make to her

The dick you give to her

Is not about you,

Was never about you.

She celebrates the fact that it's not him.

Simply just that fact, not you or what you think you're doing.

As the juices of her dripping vengeance

Rolls down her thighs.

Six months from now, you will still boast

But 2 days from now, you're just a fainted memory

She will not remember your face

Not even a trophy for private smile.

Getting back at him, is all that matters.

That, is her sweet sorrow, dipped in silent pride.

You were nothing, an object of an act, not a desire.

Happy again, but you, never again.

12-23-2011

A Players' Wedding Vows

Till death do us part
I will keep a spot for you 
In my heart.


To Love and honor
Acting like there is no other


Cherish and obey
No matter what the next door neighbor 
and their friends  might say


Through thick and thin
No matter where I've been


So take this hand 
Be merry as can be
But you'll never take my little black book
Away from me!

A Love, A Memory

When our worlds collided

I wasn't ready for it

When our world's collided

I wasn't looking for it.

When the fusing of our souls started

The light was too bright

When the fusing of our souls started

You were in me before I understood it.

When we formed one

I felt peace

When we formed one

I felt free

This world didn't change 

But it felt new

This world didn't change

But all our roads were fresh.

Caught up in this love

I became a new man

Caught up in this love

We forged our new castle

When my love became your guardian

You felt safe

When my love became your guardian

Your sleep was more peaceful

Even though time passed, time froze

Your eyes stayed focused on me.

Even though time passed, time froze

And our hearts grew like a forever garden.

Crazy how it seems

How it all fell into place

Crazy how it seemed

The way it fell apart.

A stolen love now a memory

Given its space and time

A stolen love now a memory

Still pierces my mind.

This library of you

Fills my mind

This library of you

Kills my mind.

A love, a memory

I roam these halls

A Love, a memory

I am its keeper.

Fuck You Cloud 9

You look so good hanging from up high
Always whispering in my ear, 'Dre, when you comin by.
Riding the tail of the winds, always passing my ear
Leaving sexy notes, asking me to come near.


I'm reality's bitch and she don't play
I'm under her grip, each and everyday.
Y'all don't get along so why you tryin' to start trouble.
Teasing me to drop the anchor and float up to your bubble.


I imagine what it would be like, chilling with you
Smelling the fresh sky air and enjoying the view.
Prancing and dancing with no care in the world
Trying out everything and giving it a whirl.


Cloud 9, you sexy crazy free thing you.
What happens to my life if I do what you do?
I got bills, debts, obligations and responsibilities
Who am I to give 'em to, when they were entrusted to me.


You don't care about tomorrow, I wish I could do that.
But reality is a bitch and she just won't have that.
The only thing I know, is when I keep her near
The thought of tomorrow doesn't come with the fear.


She got my back like DMX in a dog fight
But you only know which club to go to tonight.
You sure are juicy, refreshing and stress free
And I do wonder what it would be like, to swim in your sea.


C'mon Cloud 9 don't you get what Reality is about?
She's hard, she's mean but she takes away doubt.
With her, everything is clear
And the next step in life to take
Is never far, but pre-planned to be near.


Yeah she keeps my face nose deep in my bills
So I miss out on the action and most of the thrills.
Cloud 9, your like a tight mini skirt clinging to a 45 inch hip.
Passing me, asking me, to come take this trip.


But Cloud 9, your door is always open
And you never stop me from leaving
While Reality keeps me safe and never leaves me needy.


In the end, Reality keeps me on the grind
Reaching my goals and earning what's mine.
She may be a bitch and maybe not as fine
But she has my interests at heart
So fuck you Cloud 9.

MPG

Our busy live aren't really as busy.  We just do things that take up our time to hide from the things that we don't want to face.  Friendships have been tested and some exposed, leaving some happy and others not so happy.  This recession showed a few of us that our "friends"put the price of gas over hanging out, that distance is this big wall that requires a visa that we can never qualify for.  This imploding alienation has bred us to think that we all were enemies in the first place and again add a third reason to ruin a friendship.  Lil Wayne said "not having money is the root of all evil" and for some it has been a self fulfilling prophecy while other use it as a scapegoat to avoid taking initiative or responsibility.  This stand off of who must show effort and counting who did what and when and how much,  must end.  But how can it when everybody is watching everybody.


When I met my high school friend and realized that he lived 15 minutes by foot from me, I was there almost everyday.  Some people nowadays won't even drive 15 minutes to go say "hi" to a friend.  Even walking for 15 minutes is like asking the world of some as well, when there are health benefits to walking.  But we buy our nice cars, putting ourselves in debt, to look good but then won't even drive the same car over to their friend's house.  I'm not sure if that even qualifies as selfishness.  The ease of the smartphone and social sites wiped out all of those effortfull needs and brought back our friends to just a click away, way closer than a 15 minute walk but yet the distance exists and this time with a hollowness.  The conversation you have when you're sitting on a back fence side by side eating mangoes will never be as fulfilling as these new ways.  As a matter of fact those mango talks last longer in memory.


So people change, grow up, branch of, find new paths and careers but the word "friend" didn't change, it's meaning didn't but for some reason we expired the definition.   Worse, now that we must fend for ourselves and 'things are tight', we chose to cut the things that doesn't mean as much to us.  So when did killing an evening over your friend's house become meaningless? A gallon of gas will do on average 20 miles for under $4.00.  I guess we are to now accept that that 3 hours that you spent over your friend's house, to wind down your day or week or month...or to put your mind at ease, to hear some helpful advice, to have a giggle and a candid smile, is now not even worth $4.00? It is those moments that make people happy, that help us make better decisions, that stop people from committing suicide, that keeps marriages together, that keep us out of trouble, that keeps us centered.  But instead, we get caught up in what it takes to use one gallon of gas out of the car that we bought so that we didn't have to walk anymore.  


Being innovative enough to now only use our friends when we want something as an excuse to go hang out has been reveling to me.  You need to make commission or you need to sell something to make a profit; this is when you remember your "friend".  Now that something is in it for you to make back your all important gas money, that's when you reach out to your friend.  I used to get home from school, change, eat, throw on my sneakers then trek down to my friend's house, for nothing more than to hang with my friend.  There were no material gains, none offered and none sought.  But now it has changed to "what's in it for me".


The newest fad is thinking that the other person is thinking that they are now better than you.   A misread text or post or even a missed anything done remotely is like a charged venomous attack on your person.  Another reason not to spend $4.   Things like that wouldn't happen while sitting on a roof peeking over the neighbor's yard at the pretty girl who just moved in...never.  So we spend zero and intake everything as negative when we could have spent $4 and avoided this zombie attack that we imagined.  Laughter together is so much more refreshing that texting "LOL", but I guess since "LOL" is free then we are happy anyway because we saved $4...right?


Now for the icing on the cake.  Feeling left out when something good happens in the others life.  Now the truth is out. That person has made you their enemy because they deliberately did it.  Now you're definitely not going to be going over there anymore.  All to save four dollars.   We probably spend $4 dollars on unnecessary things and on bad food at least once a month.  That thing we bought is probably lost, broken, thrown out or gathering dust.  That bad food we bought, is now living as fat in our bodies, making us less physically appealing to our loved ones who is now resenting you; making it easier to argue and adding to your unhappy life because your stuck at home because you don't want to go anywhere...hmmm.   I love when things are circular.  


Our days of closeness with our beloved friends should not be stories of old, while we mourn them changing and becoming vengeful creatures, just so we can save $4 in "these hard times".  These hard times is exactly when we should be spending that four dollars to remain strong with those beloved friends.  We'd probably be handling these hard times alot better if we maintained those candid moments in the present rather than sing them at funerals of "friendships passed".  How bad could it be because staying at home, saving $4 and typing "LOL" hasn't done us any better.


Thanks for reading.

REFILL

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm asleep or awake.
Sometimes I can't tell If I'm in love or  in hate.
The way I feel makes me wanna tear my hear out
But even when I stay calm, I'm still filled with doubt


I see the world but I can't touch it.
I feel the world but I can't be it.
Is the world big or am I just too small
While some eat planets and others stand tall.


It's great to be great
And maybe that was their fate 
But how come that is fair and I have to wait
For my time in a time where time comes with hate


The grass I walk on is only the hair on the back of a beast
I lost my knife so I can't kill it have my feast.
Kill it and conquer, like I should with my life
But it's killing me and piling on strife.


I don't know what to do or even where to go
Some people help and other act like they don't know
Haters, blockers, helpers or challenges
Is this how I'm supposed to carve out my happiness?


Her love I found and it gave me a corner
I felt some peace and I stopped being a mourner.
But God if you chose to see me out the corner of your eye
I just have one question, cuz I gotta ask why.


It's not about you but it hasn't been about me
Cuz this life has taught me that aint shit free.
All I have is what life gave me.
And if that's life then should no one save me?


Some made it big, others made it great.
So I hope the same serving falls on my plate.
I'm angry, I'm patient, I'm diggin, I'm waitn.
For theirs, for mine, for ours just to make it.


I want the world to stop sleepin and see me
Or am I the one that needs to take the green pill.
I can't tell if the world is too small or am I too big
Maybe that's why I can't move, so I'm hopin for a refill.


Since I lost my knife, I guess I'll use my teeth
Grab it's horns and stand ground with my feet
This bull called life is what you gave me
Eat or be eaten is the motto that will save me.


So maybe the world is too big or even too small
I guess once you have friends and you find love 
then you have it all.
Well maybe no bank accounts at Fort Knox for me
But I can enjoy life's many pleasures for a while, for free.


So don't worry about answering why,
At least not for now but definitely when I die.
We can replay my life and see what I missed
And you can tell me that I really was in bliss.


Back to life I go, refilled and refreshed
My soda of hope sippin like its the best
So here I come world, I'm taking my share
And even if you never hear me, I don't really care.