Book...first draft..

"He's made his last mistake, its time he learns".
"No, you can't do this to her, you will ruin her life".
"Is there nothing you can do, you're just standing there, all these years and now you just stand there!"
"Once his new path has been decided, he can't protect him until I've carried out this judgement"
As much as the cool afternoon light across the living room came in through the window, the darkness seemed unaffected by it, by them.  Fall is a nice time of year to be outside since it's cooler but Kevin and Stacey had other plans, so did they.  They could only have sex in the living room because Stacey needed to hear when her mom's car pulled in the driveway.  Kevin certainly didn't mind, as he flashed the scene of him buying the condom that he's now wearing an hour ago at the pharmacy two blocks away.  Doggy style in the couch made Kevin feel like he was "the man" as if he could hear an applause from an audience.  But today, his audience was not clapping.  Ariel and Jamera stood along side Rashnu the angel of judgment.  Rashnu came to change Kevin's path in life, as a lesson for joining the area gang after his father passed last year.  Ariel, Stacey's guardian angel pleaded with Rashnu but she knew that Rashnu's presence and duty was irreversible.  Jamera could do nothing for Kevin.  He's saved him countless times and made sure his mother was always around right when he got himself in trouble, speaking through her, but not today.
The three stood side by side but with three different expressions.  The sad Ariel, the determined face of Rashnu and the loss of Jamera. "Is there nothing more to do?" asked Ariel.  "No" replied Rashnu as he stepped forward.  It was as if time slowed down as Ariel and Jamera lowered their heads.  Rashnu pushed his hand down through Stacey's back do to her loins and tore the condom that Kevin was wearing.  As Rashnu turned around you could see Kevin's face as he climaxed, proud that he could enjoy that feeling and knowing he was protecting himself.  Ariel and Jamera's heads were still lowered, one because they cannot intervene out of duty and second that they cannot witness when a life path is being altered.  Guardian Angels can only stop humans from destroying themselves but they cannot prevent the consequences of their actions.  "Ariel, she will have a girl, she will be a strong person, guard her well".  

On Sale

I walked in to the store of life.

I had my cart ready,

To fill up on what Life had to offer.

My smile was innocent and eager.

Love was too expensive,

So I bought a case of Lust instead.

Half price and double the fun.

This was easy.

Real Friendship was on back order,

So I went to the next isle,

And bought a barrel of Acquaintances.

I figured they would get the same result.

Perseverance was on the top shelf.

I couldn't reach it,

So I took this pretty pack of Sloth 

It was easy to reach and got you there ten times quicker. .

The isle with Pride was full of people. 

I couldn't get through to grab a pack,

So I went to the next isle,

And got a few cartons of Low Self Esteem.

Those were always fresh and easy to use.

Inner Strength still wasn't on sale

So I figured I'll come back next time

 It's too expensive.

Maybe the price will go down soon.

The line for Patience was always long

But that's ok, while those people wait

I can scoot down the other isle

And get the last crate of Envy.

Everybody had a big bag of Happiness in their cart.

I wanted to be different, so I didn't pick any up.

I wanted to stand out.

In life you're supposed to be unique, right?

While waiting to check out,

Ambition was in these little packets by the cashier

But I'm not gonna fall for those impulse purchases.

I was on a budget.

So my cart full, saving a bunch

I figured anything in the store was good to buy

God would never steer us wrong.

This was the store of life...right?

The Real Possession

You need me,

To pull up in my old car

So you can feel better,

About your expensive sports car.

You need me, 

To be in the isle walking with my calculator

So you can smile 

While you scoop things into your cart.

You need me

To be sitting at the bar

So when you walk in

There are heads turning.

You need me

To buy fake jewelry

So you can turn your nose up

As you pass by in your diamonds.

You need me

To be there

So you can act like I'm not there

Just to give your life some purpose.

You need me

To stare at your profile pictures

Added to your "friends", your audience

So you can feel your eternal spotlight.

You need me

For without me

Without people who aren't rich

Without people who aren't special

You...are..nothing.

9-16-2011

Woman

You didn't grow in height

But you grew in mind

You did't grow in strength

But you grew in heart.

Your efforts aren't made of steel

But they are made of will power

Your skin was not made hard

But you can survive any test.

Your heart is made soft

That's why it can't break.

Your height stopped you from having your head in the clouds

And allowed you to see behind the bullshit.

Your strength can't be measured in weight

But has been proven by centuries of nurture, sacrifice and silence.

Your efforts are based on a wisdom incalculable,

Crazy at first but you always come home the victor.

Bent, torn, burnt, emotional trials that shreds men in the first round,

You manage to be able to find new love, bigger love, better love.

That's why your heart is soft...it doesn't break, 

Squeezed from time to time

But only to reform back to your perfect self

To carry on.

9-14-2011

Prelude Monologue

Pause for a minute.

Look at this...nice huh?

We're all seated and comfortable to enjoy a show.

But I say this

What you see on a stage is a mirror of the theatre of your lives!

True, we don't know you,

But why is it you relate?

We ask you to watch life,

Making you the conscience of the character acting on stage.

So you laugh, you cry...

So who do you think, is watching us?

Seated at a theatre to enjoy the evening?

Who?

Your parents?

They made you, so they could be a good guess. 

But no, it's not.

Our own conscience becomes a director.

To present us as human as possible in the scene we entered.

But to who?

And even before that, how was our character given?

or are we improvising on a lost script.

Seems that way sometimes, doesn't it?

I know.

That's why it is so hard to write a character.

Unless we give birth to them.

And raise them ourselves in an environment almost unintended

And the actor has to be there every step of the way,

Because he, is not him.

And that is what we're doing,

Playing roles,

Perfected from birth in a marvelous exposition.

So...who are you?

11-25-1999

The Elixir

Poison the air

Poison the breeze

Look at me,

Poison me please.

Take a step

Come too close

And your body

I will use as my host.

Fill my head

With your perfume so sweet

And I will have no choice

But to make our lips meet.

Touch my hand

Or graze my face

With softness that kills

Ravished in lace.

If I sank my fingers in your skin

Or slid my hands down your side,

An ocean of passion would burst

And open wide.

Power so light

Power so slight

Yet I quiver in my powerful flight

If you saw what you did

Find me first for I have hid

In a forest of you,

So full of you.

Rain or shine

I bask in your beauty

And guard your face in my thoughts

As if it were my duty.

No Words

The monotonous words of time,

Have rotted at my oceanic world of feeling.

I feel this, but I must say that...

Damn the English Language.

So how do I tell you, just another girl

That you're not just another girl?

That you glow like a full moon 

In my space of blackness.

My Life and art seem limited to tell the world

About the story I saw in your eyes.

The breath you steal comes back,

But the ravishing of the capture

Makes me let you steal it again 

And again.

I crush my pen

It still has not escaped into my world.

To say 'I love you' means almost nothing to me

But to explain it would be just a keyhole vision, a mere sample.

But how well can you take this,

I am in you

I have walked through you, all of you

And I write to say this,

I fell in love with you long before you made me love you.

And I fall in love with you all over again

Every time I see you..

That plunge of emotion is forever sweet

So let me see you again

For you are in me like a core of energy

roving with ripe power.

Your name whispers like a ghost still in love

If a breath of air were a breath of you

I would beg for immortality from the gods

I have asked the Rock of Ages to sit with me

To see my joy every time you visit.

My mind goes on

but my pen cannot follow

Show me you are here and you will see the rest.

Show me you are never to leave

And you will see your castle.

10-10-2000

The Wait

When you chose that park in the hood for a first date

She still stood by you.

When she went and bought that Vera Wang dress 
that wasn't even on sale

And you showed up in a t-shirt and jeans

She still stood by you.

When you told her your still deciding cuz your poor heart 
was broken

by the last bitch

She still stood beside you

When you finally took her somewhere nice

And dressed properly so she could see your smile, and your arms,

making her patience start to pay off

She got comfortable standing by you.

When you finally man'd up making her feel secure

and that there was a man somewhere behind those caps and baggy jeans

She was happy to stand by you.

When you finally made love to her

and you blew her mind, fingers, tongue and all

She was hesitant but you were finally let you in.

When the first lies reared their head

She respected your humanity and stood by you.

When you two had that nasty argument

And you went and fucked that other girl

She still stood by you.

When you made her feel guilty about it

she still stood by you, because you swore.

Now that you take her for granted regularly

she stands by you, still. 

But she doesn't stand by you

because she's an idiot...far from it.

She stands by you, knowing all you men are the same

and she has to just take the time to wait.

To wait for you to grow into the man your going to be,

The man that any of you men can be.

You all just start off the same way.

She stands by you because she knows this.  

So hurry up and come out of your cocoon

Put away the games and the bitches

So she can stand by you, forever.

9-9-2011

SLAVE

I WILL NOT STAND WITH YOU

I WILL STAND AWAY FROM YOU

I WILL NOT JOIN YOUR LINES

NOR ACCEPT THE NAME YOU USE

TO REPRESENT MY TEMPLE.

THE CHOICE IS ONLY YOURS

AS LONG AS YOU'RE CHOOSING IS NOT HINDERED,

SELF CENTERED BASTARDS.

YOU HEADLINE AND YOU DETAIL

ANYTHING YOU THOUGHT WAS WAITING ON YOU TO DO IT

COLUMBUS MOTHERFUCKERS.

YOUR PEERS, WHOSE TEMPLE WAS PAINTED DIFFERENTLY

HAS INTERRUPTED YOUR PATH, SO YOU THOUGHT

INCOMPETENT MAGGOTS.

NO PATH HAS YOUR NAME ON IT

THEY HAVE ALL BEEN TRODDEN BEFORE...BITCH.

YOU CREATED YOUR OWN GOLD AND TROPHIES

NOT THROUGH VARIETY BUT THOUGH YOUR OWN 

SELFISHNESS.

WELL GO CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD

BECAUSE I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASSES OFF THIS FUCKER.

YOU FORGOT THE GOD YOU CREATED

AND STILL SPEAK OF VALUE.

YOU'VE WASTED CENTURIES AND LIVES

AND EXPECT ME TO CONFORM TO THIS WORLD

THAT YOU FUCKED IN EVERY WAY 

THAT YOUR HEADLESS DICKS COULD FIND.

AND YOU, CAUGHT UP LIKE A BLIND WHORE

IN A WHORE HOUSE EXPECTING NO ESCAPE.

CONCERNED ABOUT FAILING AND LIVING WITH FEAR,

LIKE A FAULTY FLASHLIGHT, WHERE YOU ONLY WALK

WHEN IT'S WORKING.

DON'T EXPECT SHIT MORE FROM ME,

WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY REJECTED MY ADVICE

AND FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I UNDERSTAND AND I'VE LEARNT.

BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME

TO JOIN YOUR CORRUPTION,

BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE SOMEONE WATCHING OUR BACKS

AFTER THINGS WERE SET.

I HAVE A MIND FUCKFACE.

IT WORKS BITCH.

YOU'RE POWERLESS, WITHOUT ALL YOUR 

SHIT-SUCKERS FOLLOWING YOU

AND YOU KNOW IT.

I'VE LOST?! HA!

WATCH ME WALK AWAY...

CAN YOU?...SLAVE.

1-27-1999

ALWAYS

ALWAYS,

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEWHERE TO GO

ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO

ALWAYS SOME CHICKEN HEAD WHO'LL WANNA PLAY YOU FOR YOUR DOUGH

ALWAYS SOME GIRL TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THE ONE BEFORE

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING YOUR POPS HAS TO SAY

ABOUT SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS DO

FUCK DAT

ALWAYS SOME EXAM TO PASS

ALWAYS SOME PUNK WHO'LL WANNA STEP TO YOU

LET 'EM TRY

THERE'S ALWAYS SOME GIRL WITH HER HER MAN

FUCKING YOU WITH HER EYES, BITCHES, EVERY LAST ONE OF 'EM

BUT THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER DAY TO GET MY GROOVE ON

ALWAYS ANOTHER TIME TO CHILL

ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW

ALWAYS, I TAKE EACH DAY FOR WHAT I CAN GET

AND I ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THE WORLD AINT MINE

BUT ALWAYS, THERE'S SOME PUNK WHO THINKS IT'S HIS

SO ALWAYS, I GOTTA BE BEATN' THE SHIT OUTTA SOMEONE

SEE, LOOK! ALWAYS ANOTHER GIRL THAT I COULD LIKE BUT I'M NOT GONNA PLAY

BECAUSE ALWAYS, THERE'S ONLY ONE GIRL THAT I WANT

AND ALWAYS, THERE'S ALL WAYS TO DO ALL THINGS

BUT YOU ALWAYS GOTTA REMEMBER

WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANNA BE

ALWAYS.

10-05-1999

Space and Time

IF I COULD HOLD EVERY SPARK OF YOUR BEAUTY
THAT EXPLODED IN YOUR EYES
AND FEEL THE TINY FIRES BURN AWAY IN MY HANDS,
MY TRANS-FICTION WOULD MELT ME FROM THIS WORLD
AND PUT ME IN A BLUE SPACE
THE SPARKS, THE STARS AND STARING AT YOU
WOULD SEEM WHAT I WAS BORN TO DO.


STAND THERE AND HEAR THIS,
MAKE MY ILLUSION SEEP INTO YOUR EARS
FALL BACK AND MY ROSES WILL CATCH YOU,
HAVE THE WIND BLOW THE AROMA OVER YOUR BODY
AND FEEL YOUR SKIN TINGLE


AWAIT MY PRESENCE UNDER THIS STARRY PLACE
LET ME SIT AND MARVEL AT YOUR RELAXED SELF
I PLAY WITH THE THOUGHT OF KISSING YOU
BUT ONLY TO PROLONG THE PASSION OF SATISFACTION
WHEN THESE MORSELS MEET
STOPPING THE ACHING, THE LONGING...
ONE DAY IS NOT ENOUGH.

Pull the fire alarm

IN LESS THAN ONE BEAT OF MY HEART

I BREAK THE RULE.

WITHOUT THINKING, I LIE.

AND THEY CALL ME A FOOL

I BREAK A PROMISE 

TO GO SOMEWHERE NEAR

AND HEAD OFF TO A PLACE

I PREVIOUSLY WOULDN'T DARE

OBSTACLES DISAPPEAR

WHEN YOU NEED ME NEAR

AS I TURN IMPOSSIBILITY

INTO SURETY

ALL MY BUSINESS LOSE ALL MEANING

WHEN YOU SAY

COME SEE ME

I DON'T QUESTION 

THE THINGS I DO

BECAUSE ALL AND ALL

THEY ARE FOR YOU.

12-12-1997

Desperate Measures

Sighing at the thought

Of your face.

Smiling while reminiscing

On the body you host.

Pulled in even more

At the personality

That tickles my mind.

And as I smile and blow it off

When you say you are not ready,

The fear of a man

About to lose his most priced possession

Comes over me.

And drastic measures

Are all I have left in my head

As stealing your heart

Is no longer an option.

In My Mind...

I've spied on you,
for days,
And every move you made,
Made me jealous.


I watched as you put your lips on a glass of juice
And I wished it were my lips that your lips were on.
I watched you hug your pillow while you slept.
And wished that pillow was me.


I watched you watching TV
As you made yourself comfy,
In the corner of the couch
I wished that how how you were in my arms


The look in your eyes
As you watched that love story
Made me wish, that you,
Would look me the same way.


And as I wait for the day
That you do these things to me
What I see now adds fire to my soul and burns my patience.
But I bear it and wait.

The Conqueror

That sword felt so nice swinging around
I felt like a king
I wielded that sword like a god
My throne sat on top of my conquests
Piled high like the spoils after a war
and the smoke still coming up from the ground.


Little did I know that my sword was sharpened on the other side
And every time I sliced my way to another smile
The pull back cut me, little by little
Like death by a thousand cuts.


My throne now drenched in my own blood
I stare at my soul shredded by my own hand
Blood dripping and staining my conquered possessions
making them worthless.


The height of my throne is now my prison of solace
I was above everyone but now I am away from everyone
No ladder, no rope, I might as well be in a dungeon
And my riches have no voice to keep my company.


I bleed to death now, no screams, no tears
No one to see them, no one to hear them
To become an inanimate object
Added to the pile.




9-8-2011

Garbage Truck

The gutter rat, the sewer water running through pipes, drains and concrete streams.  The mongrel dog that has been hit a few times by cars, but still runs around with a limp looking for the next scrap of food to stay alive.  The rotted dumpster that stinks to high heaven that always gets picked up last if any at all and can leave a smell in your clothes just by walking passed it.  The beggar on the sidewalk, with his cart and sign that you step over most times without a second thought.  The sirens at night, carrying the latest hit an run victim and the screech of tires of those living the night.  Stoplights and street lights that bounce of your wall interfering with your sweet sleep.  
These are the things living in your background, things that you never have to take a second look at.  But your background is my world, it is the love I have for you in secret.  You never have to see the gutter rat more than once in a day perhaps but hundreds run over my feet like a film reel of your face.  The sewer water that runs underground away from you and keeping your human existence humane, is the blood that runs in my veins poisoning me with your essence.  I am that dog trying to feed from the scraps of your love but keeping this secret has come with its price, but I limp, for you.  My heart is that dumpster filled with pieces of you that I have to hide but your scent flows up to my mind daily like a dismal tornado.  I can't stand it, but I can't get rid of it.  I sit on the street, broken, with my love for you, I don't get a sign though, as I can't ruin your world, so the world passes me by.  I hide my screams behind the sirens and screeching tires that blaze down the boulevard and imagine that I'm the one in the ambulance being taken in, before I bleed to death thinking of you. But the stoplights and street lights know my secret, they know my pain.  So they stay glowing for me, they remain a signal to me that this love I have for you, has a right to exist, even if no one ever hears about it...not even you.


9-6-2011

----

To own your heart
I would be owned by it
To have your heart in my possession
I would be possessed by it


If I were to gaze in your eyes
Would you steal my soul
Or would I give it to you freely
Either way, my peace is made


You exist
I have something to exist for
I have become the winemaker
And time is the river I raft on as it flows to you.


The day you repeat me
Is the day you complete me
Do so and let me show off 
what my mind has been doing with you.


8-6-1999

6 Inches

I stood 6 inches away from you.
One year of memories
Hundreds of miles of missing you
Compressed


Aged reminiscing,
Undead love
That didn't grasp eternity
Was put 6 inches in front of you


Should I thank the force that made me resist?


3-12-1999

Lightening Cloud

Run through me, tear your path and soar.
Make me feel the burn of your flight
Let me hear the singe of my flesh
As you leave they burst behind you
You harm me not for it is my desire you meet


Grabbing its yearning and answering its call
Blaze your trail, spare nothing and banish mercy
For the want I have for you
Has taken over every nerve in my body
And only your touch can assure my sanity
Run through me, tear your path
Hold me


11-29-1998

Yesterday

In that very same place

With that look on your face

If I didn't kiss you

What would I do?

The raging oceans that called for their release

And the sleepless thunders that needed to cease

Their torment put me under a spell

And made to live in this wretched hell

To break this curse

Save myself and make my dream come true

Stab my heart or take it in

Do what you will but do not call it a sin.

6-21-1998